by Kellilla Yarwood
Howdily doodily, neighbor! This is Kellilla coming to you courtesy of the wonderful internet. Err ... ok, so it's not always wonderful.
Anyway, I am the co-writer of this strange and twisted story of 'the super great and amazingly stupendous' X-Babies. The X-Babies are not our creation, of course. They were created by the wonderful and talented people at Marvel Comics (?!). We (Catherine and I) took it upon ourselves to write a story about these great characters. The X-Babies (in the comics) were created by Mojo for his TV show. They were miniature versions of the X-MEN, a group of mutants fighting for world peace and equality. When Mojo was overthrown, the X-Babies were supposed to be 'canceled' by Gog and Magog. Dazzler saved them and took them back to her castle. This story is about what life would have been like if Xavier had raised the X-Babies himself. So now, let's enter the weird and wonderful world of...the X-BABIES!
by Kellilla Yarwood
One day the X-Babies got a phone call. Juby-Lee answered it and said, "Hey duddie. I'm Juby-Lee!"
"Give me thath!" yelled Cyclops. "You're juth a baby. You canth anthwer thu phone!"
"Yeah I cannie, so HEH!" replied Baby Juby-Lee. "OK, Mister Man, whatcha want?" she asked into the phone.
"Hello, little girl. May I please speak to Professor Xavier?"
"Heck! You don't need my permission!" said Juby-Lee.
"Thath's sthupid." said Cyclops.
"Like you!" sang Juby-Lee.
"DADDY!" screamed Juby-Lee. "TELEPOTTY!"
"Telephone, sthupid."
"Juby-Lee, how many times do I have to tell you I am not your daddy." said Professor, who was walking into the Living room.
"OK, daddy." said Juby-Lee.
"I give up!" sighed Professor.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha Ah got a dollar!" sang Rogue, following Professor.
"Hey, where did you get that $20 bill?" said Professor.
"Ah found it in your wallet," replied Rogue.
" I need to pee-pee." said Wolvy. "And when I say I need to pee-pee I need to pee-pee."
"DADDY! Telepotty." screamed Juby-Lee.
"Tell him just a minute." said Professor.
" Hey, Mister Man, my daddy has to take Wolvy to the potty so I get to talk to you!"
3 HOURS LATER...
"Juby-Lee, give me the phone now," said Professor.
"Hold on, daddy. I'm still talking."
THE NEXT DAY...
"Juby-Lee, are you still on the phone?" said Professor.
" Hold on, let me say bye-bye."
"Juby-Lee, NOW!" cried Professor.
"Bysie-Bysie!" sang Juby-Lee.
"Why does everyone say my name like it means 'you're in trouble'?" wondered Juby-Lee.
SUDDENLY someone burst through the door! It was MAGNETO!
Juby-Lee said, "Hey, you're the dude on Barney!"
"No I am not, little girl. Xavier, you..."
"Yesth, you are! Look Everybothy! Ith's BARNEY!" Cyclops screamed.
"YEAH!!!" screamed the X-Babies as they tackled him.
They hugged him and Jean Gray said, "Sing the song, sing the song!"
"What song?!" yelled Magneto.
"This song!" said Wolvy.
"I luv ou, Ou luv me, We a happi, Famili wif a, Grat big HUG, An a KISS from, Me tu ou, Want ou SAY, Ou luv me TOOOOO!!!" they sang.
"AUUUUGGGHHH!!! This is Crazy!" screamed Magneto. He ran out the door.
"WAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the X-Babies and ran after 'Barney'.
Professor yelled after them, "Come back here! Come back here right now!" But the X-Babies didn't listen. They got lost in Westchester County. Rogue and Storm flew up and found the house. Then everything was A O.K.
Or so they thought.
" Ah am going as Scooby-Doo," cried Rogue.
"I am going as a garbage truck," yelled Gambit.
" Then I am going as garbage," replied Beast.
" I am going ath a dorkuth," announced Cyclops.
"That way you won't have to worry about a costume, right?" laughed Wolvy. "By the way, I'm going as Sonic the Hedgehog."
" I am going as the McDonald's sign," sang Jean Gray.
" I am going as a glass of milk," smiled Juby-Lee.
" I am going as pissa dough," Storm shouted.
"I guess I will go as Harpo Marx," sighed Professor.
And off they went trick or treating. Little did they know that Lil' Pee-ro, Lil' Mystique, and Lil' Avalanche were following them!
"Wolvy! Wolvy! Carrwe me!" whined Juby-Lee.
"No!" yelled Wolvy. Juby-Lee started to cry.
" I hate my costume. No one knows what I am!" sniffled Storm.
"Oof," said Jean Gray as her McDonald's sign slid down over her eyes again.
"I'm so tired, Daddy," moaned Juby-Lee.
" My name IS NOT DADDY!" yelled Professor.
"WAHHHHH!" cried Juby-Lee. Then everyone else started crying.
"AAAHHHHH!" screamed Professor. "You...are...driving...me...insane!!! You are all going to the orphanage!"
"NOOO!!!!" they all screamed.
Suddenly The Little Mutants Club attacked! "Hey! We're attacking you ! Look at us! We're attacking you!!!" screamed Lil' Mystique.
"So what?" yelled Storm.
" I hate you, Wolvy!" cried Juby-Lee.
" I hate you, Beast!" yelled Storm.
" I hate you, Cyclops," yelled Jean Gray.
"Doesn't everyone?" sneered Avalanche.
"Why doesth everyone hathe me? Do I noth breave the sthame air as ou? Do I noth eath the sthame food as ou? Do I nothe, I mean, ou all hath me and whath have I ever done to ou? Whath have I done to destherve thisth? What I have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE? I mean I wasth born in thisth world and I will die in thisth world. WHAT HAVE I DONE?" yelled Cyclops.
"Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z...." snored Juby-Lee.
"Nicth sptheech," said Mystique.
"Thanksth, I heard it off 'Daysth of Our Livesth," said Cyclops.
"Oooo, Cyclops isn't supposed to watch daytime dramas," snitched Wolvy.
"Cyclops, you are grounded." said Professor.
"No!" he whined. "OK, now let's rumble!" said Pee-ro.
"Ooo rumble. Like in an earthquake, right?" said Jean Gray.
" I was in uh earthquake once," said Storm.
"Ooo was it scary?" said Gambit.
"The walls fell down," said Storm.
"Ah once made a wall fall down," said Rogue.
"How?" said Wolvy.
"Ah crashed into it," replied Rogue.
"HEY! Are we going to fight or chat?" yelled Pee-ro.
"Chat." everyone said, even the bad guys. So they talked and talked for 7 hours.
When they got home that night, the boys decided to scare the girls. "I'm going to sthcare Jean," said Cyclops.
"You're so stupid. We're going to scare them all at the same time, duh," said Gambit.
"Oh," said Cyclops, disappointed.
So the boys put on scary masks and crept into the girl's room.
They got to the window and Gambit said, "I gotta go peepee," and then it was too late. Cyclops looked down at his clothes. His feet were wet from an unknown source.
"Gambith!" Cyclops yelled.
Suddenly they heard voices from the girl's room. "What was that?" they heard Storm say.
They ducked down into the bushes. The girls looked out the window and saw nobody was there. Then they decided to play Truth or Dare.
Jube asked Rogue first. She said, "Froot or Dare?"
"When are you going to learn to talk?" Jean Grey said.
"Dare," Rogue says.
"Ohtay. I dare you to run outside in a bean bag."
"What? You're so weird. Yah cain't wear a beanbag."
"NO! You sit on beanbag. We tie you to it. We throw you out. You have to go down to grocery store and come back home. You have to do it!"
"Ha! Yeah right."
"You haf too!"
"Oh, all right. It's not like Ah don't have super strength or anything."
Cyclops jumps up and ran for the house. He tripped and fell in a hole on the way. Gambit followed and jumped over Cyclops looked back, laughed, and kept on running. Then came Wolverine. Wolverine stepped on Cyclops, and passed Gambit. Then came Beast.
"Ah am not doing that. Ah decided ah don't want to. Ah take truth."
"Nu-uh. You can't. You picked dare."
"Tie Storm up and throw her out the door," Rogue said.
"Okay," Jubilee said.
"You are not throwing me out there!" Storm cried.
"Then who?" said Jean. "Throw Jubilee out the window."
Meanwhile, the boys were planning another scare. "Look at this mask I found!" Cyclops cried.
"It's a clown mask." Beast pointed out.
Gambit said, "Howza 'bout Cyclops puts it on and go scares the girls!"
"I'm scared of the dark!" Cyclops shrieked.
"Big deal." And they shoved him out the door.
Meanwhile, the girls had tied Jubilee up to the beanbag and were getting ready to toss her out.
When they did toss her out, she landed on Cyclops and they went rolling down the hill.
"AUUGHHH!" screamed Cyclops. "The Boogey Purple People Eater that lives under the bed and sucks out brains has GOT ME!"
THE END ... FOR NOW! >=)
Kellilla Yarwood, 1998