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Tuna Fish or Nuthin or The Question
by LadyLyte

There comes a time in every relationship in which the female half of the pair must ask The Question. It just so happened that The Question came to Rogue, an average looking woman, of average height, average weight, and slightly-above-average ability to smash through brick walls, fly, and absorb the energy from any living thing she touched, while she was at the wheel of her Jeep Wrangler. As she glanced sideways at the passenger of said vehicle, The Question lit upon her brain, built a nest, and laid eggs. She smiled lovingly at her passenger, and current partner in love, Remy LeBeau. He was looking rather contemplative, with a faraway look in his eyes. The eggs The Question had laid hatched, and Rogue decided to ask in a dreamy lovey-dovey voice:

"What are you thinking about?"

Remy LeBeau, a man of above average height, below average weight, and slightly-above-average-and-all-around-cool ability to blow stuff up opened his mouth slightly, to respond in the typical male fashion: "Nothin'."

This would have been his answer (which of course is a very good answer to many of life's important questions: i.e. What were you doing last night? What is that on your collar? What do you have behind your back? etc.), however, he realized it probably wouldn't be the most acceptable response when directed at a female.

He closed his mouth and sat for a moment, now thinking about what he HAD been thinking about before The Question had been asked. His thoughts probably should have involved his dealings with the Thieves' Guild, or contemplation on strategies previously employed by him as leader of the X-Men. But in fact, he was thinking about the Leftover Tuna Salad he had seen in the fridge earlier this morning, and whether or not Someone had Eaten It.

Remy, however, did not want to admit this truth. So he sighed and responded with the best answer he could think of.

"Nothin'," he replied.

The word "Nothing", upon entering the female mind, flips many switches. One of them being the semi-irrational "Jealous Girlfriend Switch." "Nothing," to a woman, obviously means "Something," and that something probably involves a thought a male does not want to admit to. In that aspect, she would be correct. However, Rogue's assumptions about Remy's thoughts were quite off the mark.

"You were thinking about that Sekmeht woman, weren't you!" she declared.

"Hunh?" was Remy's response. Although the man had super human agility, the accusation had flown in from such a bizarre angle that it interfered with Remy's ability to take action in a swift manner. Now of course, Sekmeht appeared in his mind's eye, although there were no traces of her before Rogue mentioned the name. Not only that, the picture he had conjured up involved Sekmeht raiding the fridge for his Tuna Salad.

"Sekmeht! I know you were thinking about her! That little cutie-pie Tomb Raider chick!" Rogue continued.

"No I wasn't!" Remy's mouth had regained mobility, but his mind was working overtime ... Now Sekmeht had made a Sandwich out of his Tuna Salad and was Eating It. Some mayonnaise dribbled down her chin.

"Yes you were, otherwise you wouldn't have said 'Nuthin','" Rogue snapped. "'Nuthin' means 'Sumthin'! It's always sex or food with you men! Food and sex!"

Remy's thoughts swam of Sekmeht. She was now bathing nude in a huge vat of Tuna Salad.

"Wurble-er-er-er..." Remy's stomach said.

Rogue paused in her tirade. She looked at Remy's abdomen.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

Pause.

"Yah, I guess."

Pause.

"I think there's some leftover tuna salad in the fridge," Rogue suggested.

There was a long moment of silence before Remy replied.

"Uhm ... maybe we should order out for some pizza instead."

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