SUMMARY: Dom and Nate 'talk'. Bobby does something suicidal. It's fluffy. Really.
DISTRIBUTION: It will be stored at my homepage but if you want it, take it. I'd like to have my name attached to it somewhere, but if you don't want to bother, don't worry. I'm something of a neglectful mommy to my fic.
DISCLAIMER: Domino, Cable, Jean, Bobby, and any other recognisable characters mentioned are not mine. They belong to Marvel, Inc. and/or their respective creators. I think the only non-recognisable person in here is Angie and she gets mentioned in another story I'm working on. I guess she could be a slight Mary Sue, but whatever. You're welcome to her if you really want her. :)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I started this little dialogue some time ago. (Read: Long before the icky thing that was the 12 bit.) There are a few references to all that business being in the past, but this was written before that, and they amuse me so they aren't getting taken out. There is no actual point to this. In fact it's about as fluffy as you get. As for position in relation to canon, let's just say this happens after what should have happened at the end of that whole 12 bit. Probably about 5 months to a year past it. All you need to know is that Dom and Nate are on decent terms ::cough:: and he is back with X-Force. (WHERE HE BELONGS!!!) Wow. These notes are longer than expected. Sorry.
DEDICATIONS: To Monique, who read this, giggled, and threw a pillow at me. Also, to Lynxie (again with the dedications, girl,) for posting this and hitting me with pie.

The Joys of a Random Booby-Trap
by A.J.

"You are aware the second we get out of this mess you're going to die, right?"

"This is not my fault."

"HA! The one time in your miserable life something is your fault, you try and pawn it off on me! There's a change..."

"Hey, I didn't say it was your fault! It just wasn't mine..."

"What was that? Hmm? Not your fault my foot! Who's bright idea was searching the storage level for extra circuits? For that matter, who's the one who blew the damn power circuit for the Danger Room, anyway? Was there a reason you needed to pit us against forty prime sentinels?!"

"We were doing fine until you tossed that live grenade into the power mesh!"

"Oh, you mean the one that got ripped off your uniform?"

"Hey, it got caught on your belt."

"All the more reason for me to throw it. And, I was in the middle of a dive to knock your bone-headed ass out of the way of an energy blast!"

"I could have taken it!"

::SMACK:: "You idiot. The safeties were off. Remember?"

"Ow! That was my leg!"

"I am glaring at you right now. You'd be able to see that if we had any power."

"Okay this one isn't my fault. It was you who dropped the flashlight--"

"--After tripping over you--"

"--when we got caught in ... this."

"That's a nice way to put getting trussed up like chickens and hauled ass over tit into the air in a sub-basement of your family's home."

"Your rapier wit is wounding me. And I was trying to be tactful."

::choke:: "YOU!?" ::GUFFAW::

"Hey! I can be just as tactful as the next guy!"

::HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER::

"Are you quite done?"

::gasp:: "Y-you.." ::giggle:: "...are as..." ::guffaw:: "...tactful..." ::SNICKER:: "...as a..." ::giggle:: "...bull elephant!"

"It's good I can give you a good laugh. Want me to run a pie gauntlet for an encore?"

::hiccup:: "No, that's..." ::giggle:: "...okay. I'm fine ... Really." ::snicker::

"Although.. being compared to a bull elephant would do wonders for my reputation. Are you willing to back up that remark?"

::SMACK::

"OW! That is my LEG."

"That was the POINT."

"..."

"..."

"You are aware whoever finds us will have blackmail material for the next twenty years."

"Oh, shit."

"Just pray it's not Drake."

"Oh, FUCK."

"I can just picture it now ... You know he's been trying to get enough money together to buy a new Play Station."

"I will kill him. And what happened to the old one?"

"Drake kicked Tabitha's butt at James Bond."

"Ah. Why doesn't Iceboy just dip into the communal fund?"

"After the last time he put super-glue in Worthington's wing-wash, he got cut off for a next year."

::snicker:: "Oh, that was just funny."

"Uh-huh. As annoying as Drake is, he does have a gift for mayhem."

"Oh, yeah. God, I could have sworn your father was going to kill him when he put the chicken hologram in his visor."

"Scott? No way. Jean ... that's another story..."

"Oh?"

"Oh, yeah. The painting was a family heirloom. She wasn't too pleased about the wall either."

"Your family still has heirlooms?"

"I think that was one of the last."

"Ah. Dammit."

"What?"

"This damn rope is cutting into my shoulder. Did you have to tackle me sideways?"

"Hey, I see a bright, flashing movement I go on instinct. I don't really stop to think about what position would be most comfortable for you if we get hung upside down."

"Excuse me. Can you at least shift a bit?"

"Which way?"

"Um ... hold on ... Let me try something. Can you move your hands a little lower?"

"Um..."

"I meant on me."

"Oh. Sorry."

::sigh:: "Okay, I'm gonna turn now.. hold on to me! I don't fancy falling on my head. Okay. On three. One."

"Three."

::shuffle:rustle::

"Urg."

"Oh, sorry about that--"

"Watch those hands, mister!"

"OW!"

"Oh, hold on--"

"URG!"

"Sorry. Just a bit more..."

"That's my LEG again!"

"What is it with you and your damn leg!? Just a bit ... Ahhhhh ... Oh, that's better. Are the ropes any looser?"

"No. Damn Shi'ar tech. Rope restricts."

"Bloody wonderful. Well, at least I can kinda make out your face."

"Awww. Didn't know you cared."

"I don't. It's just easier to glare at you like this."

"Ah. Sooo..."

"So."

"We're gonna be up here for awhile, aren't we?"

"Well, the kids should be back in San Francisco by now."

"Probably tormenting Angie, the bestest delivery girl EVER, with huge orders and tiny tips again, huh?"

"I don't know why she even bothers coming around."

"I think it has to do with the fact she's the only one Caliban hasn't scared off. As far as I can tell, he's got something of a crush on her. It's really sweet. I think she likes him too. Last time I was there, she brought him free garlic bread."

"They're gonna be devastated when she goes back to school in the fall. Her parents were pissed about her grades last spring so it's gonna be all school, little play, no work. Think about it. The kids'll have to walk the whole five blocks to pick the damn pizzas up. Poor Caliban'll be heart broken."

"Egads. A heart-broken former Horseman of the Apacolypse. How did you find all this out? She's a pizza girl."

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

"Why this time?"

"Angie spends more time in our doorway than any single member of our team. Hell, than the entire team combined. We order pizza every night she works, rain or shine. Sometimes it's just courteous to ask questions. Especially when you're digging for change so she'll get a decent tip."

"So, girlie talk?"

"..."

"Um ... It wasn't demeaning! You're both girls! You talk! Girl talk!"

"Nathan. The only reason you didn't get kneed somewhere painful is because I don't want to spend the next ten minutes listening to you whimper."

"Thank you, Domino."

"See? I told Jean I had you trained."

"You said that to my mother?"

"Uh-huh. We had breakfast this morning while you were having so much fun telekinetically lobbing water balloons at your father and Rogue."

"Hey, that was sanctioned practice."

"I know. Just don't deny you didn't get some damn unholy glee out of pelting One-eye with those water bombs."

"No comment."

"Uh-huh."

"So, what did you two talk about ... besides discussing how whipped I am?"

"Oh ... um ... Nothing important. ::cough:: Just stuff."

"Ohh?"

"Uh, yeah. You know ... Stuff. Hey, why do you think they set this trap up down here anyway?"

"Stalling doesn't work."

"It's not like the average intruder moron would go to the trouble of breaking in through this security system only to scope out the storage rooms..."

"Domino."

"Look, it was really nothing. We just had some coffee and er..."

" 'Er'? "

"I don't know why you're getting so interested. I have breakfast with all the women on this team. Just last week me and Dani painted the town red with Rogue and Kitty."

"Yeah, but that was San Francisco, and Rogue and Kitty don't know lots of embarrassing baby stories you can torment me with later."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Rogue told me about one with you and a rubber duck -- crap."

"I thought as much. So ... you've been wining and dining Jean in an attempt to collect stories?"

"I'll have you know Jean and I had a lovely breakfast with absolutely no alcohol involved. Juice and toast were served. If you hadn't been an immobile lump of grouchiness followed quickly by a mood swing of 'homicidal water-bomber', you could have joined us. Besides, it's about time your mother and I started bonding."

"No it isn't."

"Oh, come on! Once you get her away from stick-jammed-up-my-ass Scott, she's a pretty interesting person. Did you know she's got a bigger dirty-joke repertoire than me? She told me one about a chicken and a pickle even I blinked at..."

"Bright Lady preserve me..."

"...and did you know she was a 'Sex Pistols' fan? I'd never have guessed. Your mother, Jean Grey-Summers, the closet punk princess."

"Can we not talk about this?"

"What? You're the one who wanted to know."

"I don't have very many illusions left in my life. I'd like to keep the one involving you and Jean hating each other's guts intact, thank you."

"Why's that? We never hated each other!"

"Dom, last week you tried to dump five tons of lard on her."

"That was a fight! Besides, I knew she could deflect it."

"Dom I didn't know she could deflect that."

"Whatever. Besides, I shot you, and I like you..."

"Ohh...?"

"...most of the time. Hey! Watch those hands, buster!"

"Sorry."

"Uh-huh. You do not sound it."

"Domino, I do believe you were accusing me of rudeness."

::giggle:: "I do believe I was. What are you gonna do about it?"

"Oh, I have a couple ideas..."

"Umm? Do tell. After all, we are stuck in restrictive bindings, upside down, in your parent's sub-storage room. One would need to be pretty creative to get ... ideas. At least feasible ones."

"I think I can be pretty creative in a pinch, don't you?"

"I'm not quite sure about that, Nate -- Oh.. Um ... Oh!"

"Like that?"

"Ooo ... um ... yeah ... Lower!!"

"Better?"

"No! On me!"

(Three hours later.)

"I can't believe grocery shopping took that long!"

"Robert. There are over 20 people living in this house. We buy out the Wal-K every weekend."

"But, Jean! This took four hours! And we really didn't need to stop at Radio Shack. It took you, me, AND the nerdly sales guy to pry Hair-Boy away from the computer section."

"Robert, we needed the fuses. Besides, we had to take Hank. He's the only one who can carry all of the bags. Did you want to have to do it?"

"No. But still!"

"Bobby, do not test my patience."

"Sorry, Jean."

"Good."

::silence::

"Why are we down here again?"

"Because when we got home, half the mansion's systems were down, the Danger Room was, literally, a war-zone, and we need to restore power."

"So why are we down here and not genius boy?"

"Hank said the main problem had nothing to do with any of the equipment; the power relays just overloaded and blew the fuse box."

"Oh. Um..."

"WHAT Bobby?"

"I was just wondering if you remembered who was home when we left?"

"Well, Nate and Domino were going to ... Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

"Robert."

"What?"

"What are you doing implying that my son is a homicidal maniac with a messiah complex?"

"I wasn't implying!"

::foot tap::

"...i was out rightly thinking it..."

"I thought so. Where is that door? Nathan is not a homicidal maniac, thank you very much. He just didn't have the best environment during his developmental years."

"Jean..."

"And as for his messiah complex -- ah there's the damn door -- he was a man on a mission! There's nothing wrong with that! Yes, he does tend to obsess a bit, but again, his early years weren't spent in the best place -- OH MY!"

"Ooof! Jean, what -- HA!"

"Erm ... hi, Jean."

"Nathan! What are you doing up in that -- Bobby! Where are you going!?"

"I so need a camera."

"Drake! I will kill in a VERY PAINFUL way if you even try--!"

::GIGGLE:: "Oh, MY! Nathan, I do believe you're blushing!"

"Jean could you not--"

"I SWEAR, DRAKE! Come NEAR me with that and I'll rip out your tongue and use it as a doorstop!"

::GIGGLE::

"Jean, could you stop giggling and do something useful? Like cutting us down?"

"AND I WILL SO TELL CYCLOPS WHO PUT THAT GLUE AROUND HIS VISOR YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A FLONQ!"

::HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER::

...and so it goes...

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