Title: Golly! A date!
Rating: R ... cause Opal is in it
Summary: Bobby goes on a date. Can I be more vague or what.
Distribution: Yes. Just tell me so I know why its there.
Feedback: Is vital. it is important. It does not have to be
Disclaimer: Bobby is owned by Marvel unfortunately. I only
wish I owned him. Hanna-Barbera own the Scooby-Doo crew. Kathy Lee
Gifford is owned by Satan.
Authors's Note: This is my first Bobby fic so I am a tad nervous
about it. Also do not just blame me for this. Blame Silence
for the challenge and Poi and Kerry for bringing up Velma.
Golly! A date!
Bobby Drake smoothed back his light brown hair. He twiddled his thumbs
and when he got bored of that he engaged himself in a personal thumb
war which the right thumb one of course. Many people wondered how
Bobby Drake became a world class thumb wrestler beating the likes
Wolverine and Gambit and this was it: waiting for late dates and any
time he got bored, meaning he got a lot of practice in.
He gave up the thumb wrestling reminding himself to give left thumb
a better regiment. He once again smoothed his hair back after realizing
he never got the sneaky cowlick located towards the front of right
ear. He then glanced down at his watch seeing that it was past seven.
She wasn't late -- no no. She was going to come.
He smiled and nodded to himself totally reassured but then the smile
disappeared and his head came crashing down to the table as the resolve
once again disappeared away from him.
*THUNK* She isn't coming! His mind wailed.
*THUNK* He was going to add another girl to his wall of failed
relationships. And this time he didn't even get a trophy prize to
commemorate it like Opal. Every time he looked at that orange and
blue striped scarf she gave him he was reminded of her -- and her
pants -- and her annoyingness.
*THUNK* He realized that he didn't really care about Opal
*THUNK* But he did about this girl.
*THUNK* Please god let her come!
*THUNK* Hey maybe she was coming.
He stopped pounding his head against the table with that though and
stared around at the restaurant from his booth hoping to catch a glimpse
Suddenly optimistic about his chances probably due to smacking his
head one to many times on the table he smiled a goofy grin.
He then rubbed his hands together with glee. He was finally going
to get a date with his own fiery red head. Every guy that was part
of the X-Men team had at least one thing with a red head. Even the
professor, a thought that he shuddered at.
He had to get it on with at least one red head to truly belong the
What about Marge? Asked the annoying voice in his head. Well we never
really dated he admitted to himself but just to make himself correct
he amended to his vow. He had to get it on with a fiery red headed
girl that wouldn't leave him for her dad.
That was not one of his more shining moments.
Or left for a bald chick.
But that was a blond he remembered. Still not one of his most happy
Or left for their cousin.
He frowned in disgust. It suddenly came apparent to him that the
whole time he was with Opal that he must have been under the influence
of a very subtle yet very insidious mind control. (Author's subtle
note. I might write a story about this. Really I might. And as a bonus
I'll throw myself in because I had my own Opal -- err in guy form.)
And there she appeared just out of the air. Of course she might have
been standing next to him for the last few minutes as he went over
his horrific love life.
He looked up at her and smiled happily.
A girl who actually used the word groovy in enjoyment.
A girl who was sexy and hot.
A girl who was wearing the same outfit that she wore when he asked
Bobby frowned, that usually wasn't a good sign.
"Jeepers Bobby I'm sorry I'm late. There was just some bogus traffic
on the way here."
"Oh that's ok." He replied as she sat down.
"Is there something bothering you?" She asked.
"Well isn't that the outfit I asked you out in?"
"Well yeah. I thought you really dug it so I decided to wear it to
"Oh." Bobby replied.
"Its not like I have a closetful of the same outfit that I would
wear constantly -- cause that would be weird." She added with a nervous
laugh. "Speaking of weird things. Did you do something with your hair
cause I am digging the new color."
"New color?" Bobby asked confused.
"Yeah. Like when you asked me out it was a ripping shade of chocolate
brown and now it's like a totally groovy shade of a sandy brown."
"It must be the lighting." Bobby replied wondering briefly if she
was smoking anything.
"Gee whiz you must be right but anyway you look really nifty either
"Uh thanks and purple really is your color."
"Thanks and thanks for asking me out. You are such a swell guy and
my last boyfriend was totally lame."
"No problem, you are a pretty girl and fun to hang out with." When
discounting your problem with acid he added silently.
"Jumping jelly beans! They have a lot of groovy food here."
"Uh yeah." He was really wondering about her. She looked like she
was there but she sure did not sound like it. Who the hell ever said
"jumping jelly beans"?
Maybe it was a fad. Damn he missed another fad.
He buried his head in the menu trying to figure out what to get.
It was known to him that ordering a meal can make or break a date.
The proper meal must be found in order to compliment the date.
A date with Opal was often ruined when he ordered any meat.
He recalled an incident in which he forgot that when eating with
Opal he had to be a vegetarian as well.
The restaurant owners weren't too happy to see a 12-ounce steak sail
through the air and hit the wall with a wet splatter.
What was wrong with him!? Why was he thinking about the most horrible
person he had ever known? Was there a force controlling him? He shook
his mind clear of thoughts of Opal and returned to his menu.
He briefly scanned over the items on the menu, trying to figure what
meal would work best for him.
Oh chicken, he thought looking at the section. Maybe that
would work. No he couldn't get chicken. Besides the obvious stereotype
of a chicken, what if she saw "Chicken Run"? He saw the movie with
Hank and both of them lived on Twinkies for a week.
It was that profound of a movie.
Steak I'll get steak! He decided. It's a man's meal. But
what if she thinks that it's too macho. Salad? No salad is too girly.
Damn! What can I get that shows me sensitive and caring but masculine
He was still debating the important first meal when the server came
"Hello I am Jubilee I am your waitress this evening and -- Drake?!"
Oh god no! He thought shrinking back into his seat. He was
having a nightmare. A really bad one. He pinched himself and nearly
yelped in pain.
Damn, he was awake. Maybe if he somehow stayed out of her sight...
But it was inevitable. So Bobby put down his menu and glared up at
"Lee." He said looking at her through narrow eyelids.
"Drake." She replied coolly.
"Gee wilikers do you two know each other?" Daphne asked.
"Yes." Bobby replied and turned to Jubilee. "What are you doing here
"I work here Drake. What are you doing here?"
"I'm on a date."
"No -- really -- why are you here?"
"I am on a date."
"Really? I thought ... Never mind. Um can I take your order?"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Bobby demanded.
"Nothing." And then saw her escape, "What would you like, miss?"
She sweetly asked Daphne leaving Bobby to silently fume.
After ordering their meals (Bobby had settled on the old American
burger and fries standby since he was an All-American boy.) they got
to talking. They were just discussing music and Bobby decided that
he could perhaps love a girl who loved disco -- perhaps -- when they
"Daphne!" Cried out a startled voice.
Bobby looked to see a narky looking blond man come to the table.
He was wearing a white shirt and billowy blue pants that blinded several
of the diners and of course the worse thing was the orange kerchief
around his neck that clashed with his whole outfit.. Just looking
at him made Bobby less ashamed of his closet.
"Freddy!" Daphne exclaimed. "What the good gosh golly are you doing
"I saw you in the window. What are you doing here?"
Daphne grabbed Bobby's hand. "I am on a date Freddy Jones."
"But what about us?!" Freddy sobbed. "The attics, the basements,
the secret rooms and all our other groovy times together? We are hurting
the gang by not being together"
Yup he had definitely missed the latest fad judging by how those
two were talking.
"Freddy Jones you are so bogus. I saw you and Shaggy together. I
mean Shaggy?! Ewww!"
Bobby listened them prattle on feeling sorry for Daphne and himself.
There was nothing more embarrassing than an ex showing up on a date.
Listening to Freddy's annoying nasally voice prattle on he felt sorry
for whoever this Shaggy was. No one deserved to date this guy.
He then rested his head on his hands as Freddy tried to sway Daphne
back to him with fond memories and Daphne then refute them.
"Well jeepers Freddy I hate to tell you this but size does matter.
And good gosh it's not like you had any skill to make up with it."
Bobby phased the rest of the conversation out, his attention once
again refusing to remain focused on something for a certain amount
of time. He wondered if they would get the message if
And across the room an evil presence stirred. the light of a lamp
that was swinging haphazardly in the room missed the being underneath
it. But the flimsy light caught on a skull earring causing it to glow
menacing. And then the creature stood up, its large pant legs billowing
to the floors.
Yes Opal Tanka was there and she was ready once again to enact her
role of ruining Bobby Drake's life.
She was the one who talked to Bob Harras out of all the good Bobby
She was the one who gave Operation Zero Tolerance a crappy ending.
She was the one who set up a great girl named Jen with a bland guy
named Tim causing her to lose all hope for love -- but that's another
And she was the one who once again was going to ruin Bobby's all
too frail self-confidence and romantic life.
Meanwhile in the corner of the building was Kathy-Lee Gifford. She
was being surrounded by a bunch of reporters on her latest scandal
that even her perky, upbeat, and nauseating smile couldn't solve.
Some of them knew the truth. Some of them have listened to her album.
(Author's note: I have not heard it! So I am just guessing it is awful.
I fear the safety of what little sanity I have left.) So she stalked
away, her eyes glowering at the reporters, her true face revealed.
Stalking away she ran into Jubilee who was holding a dish of flambe.
Jubilee was twisted around and bumped into the back of Opal.
Now we all know thanks to the laws of physics that Opal's big hair
is unnatural and there is no way that it can be that big without some
artificial means, namely hairspray.
Not just any hairspray, her own private mix of hairspray that she
had made after using ten cans of extra strength hold a day. It was
possibly the most powerful hold hairspray ever made. And as we know
hairspray is extremely flammable.
So while the flame never touched Opal's hair, it was far enough in
the aura of the fumes of the spray to light up...
...And have Opal's hair catch fire. It was an amazing site to see
for while many people in the restaurant have seen a whole person on
fire they never seen someone whose hair was on fire. Many decided
she was the newest super hero debuting through judging by her clothes
she could have been a super villain.
Opal gave a harpy like piercing scream confirming many people's suspicions
that she was a super villain. She then started running around the
room and falling every few feet due to her hot pink and neon green
Jubilee reached for a pitcher of water to douse the flames but then
noticed who was on fire.
She instead grabbed a basket of peanuts from the bar and sat down
to enjoy the show.
Bobby watched as a familiarly strange woman whose hair on fire streaked
past him. He wondered if he should chance using his powers to help
He then realized it was Opal.
He sat back in his chair contemplating his choices. The right thing
to do was to help her.
Of course there was many other arguments against it. Risking exposure
to his secret identity was one. But it was not the main reason. He
was just happy to see her get hers
and so he took a slurp of his drink and like Jubilee sat back to
enjoy the show.
Half her hair was burnt away when Opal bumped into Freddy. And we
all know how flammable polyester is, right? Well of course Freddy's
pants lit up.
Now Jubilee not knowing who Freddy was, decided to get a fire extinguisher
and in a moment of absolute generosity gave it to Bobby.
He looked at her with a surprised genuine smile, "For me?" He asked.
"You deserve it." She replied with s huge grin and leaned over adding
in a wicked whisper, "Make sure it's really cold."
"Will do." He told her touched by her benevolent gesture.
He sprayed them while lowering the temperature of the foam. He particularly
enjoyed their squeals of pain came out.
Opal sat up, half her hair gone and now looking like a fro and stared
at Freddy. His pants had burned away and were now wearing a pair of
leopard fur thong underwear confirming Daphne's statement on his small
size. He then turned to Opal and gave her a penetrating stare.
"Oh my god!" Opal squealed, "Where did you get that scarf?!"
Freddy simultaneously squealed, "Oh my god! Where did you get those
pants! I always wanted a pair like that."
Bobby disgusted turned to Daphne to see she was zonked out. Saddened
he was alone he sighed.
Then he was tapped on the shoulder by a petite girl with brown hair
and wide rimmed glasses.
"Um hi." She said.
"Hi." He said to the strangely cute girl.
"Sorry about my friends their kind of nuts. I'm here to pick them
up. I'm Velma."
"I'm Bobby -- and trust me, I understand."
She surveyed the room of Freddy and Opal talking giddily about big
pants and their usage, Jubilee cracking her gum, and Daphne looking
at nothing in a far away look in her eyes.
Then she looked at the stunningly cute guy ahead of her.
Daphne always got the guys she told herself.
"Daphne has a severe drug problem." She told Bobby.
"I figured that out." He eyed her, something like a force on high
a fanfic writer high on sugar told him this was the one. So he tested
"What's your opinion on twinkies, Star Wars, and mutants?"
"I love them all." She replied in awe.
"Wanna be my girlfriend?" He asked.
"Sure." Was her quick reply.
They then linked arms and went to the latest McDonald's where they
played in the ball pit.
Shaggy later came in and beat the crap out of Opal and Freddy with
the help of Scooby-Doo. In this fight Scrappy-Doo was killed. And
all of them went to jail.
Daphne Blake is currently in rehab and doing well.
Jubilation Lee was promoted to assistant manager of the restaurant
for her heroic reactions and rules the restaurant with an iron fist
and chewing gum.
Bobby Drake and Velma Dinkley are combining their skills in order
to break into Skywalker Ranch.
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