Title: Golly! A date!
Author: Jen
E-mail: jzimmer@colby-sawyer.edu
Rating: R ... cause Opal is in it
Summary: Bobby goes on a date. Can I be more vague or what.
Distribution: Yes. Just tell me so I know why its there.
Feedback: Is vital. it is important. It does not have to be good.
Disclaimer: Bobby is owned by Marvel unfortunately. I only wish I owned him. Hanna-Barbera own the Scooby-Doo crew. Kathy Lee Gifford is owned by Satan.
Authors's Note: This is my first Bobby fic so I am a tad nervous about it.  Also do not just blame me for this. Blame Silence for the challenge and Poi and Kerry for bringing up Velma.

Golly! A date!
by Jen

Bobby Drake smoothed back his light brown hair. He twiddled his thumbs and when he got bored of that he engaged himself in a personal thumb war which the right thumb one of course. Many people wondered how Bobby Drake became a world class thumb wrestler beating the likes Wolverine and Gambit and this was it: waiting for late dates and any time he got bored, meaning he got a lot of practice in.

He gave up the thumb wrestling reminding himself to give left thumb a better regiment. He once again smoothed his hair back after realizing he never got the sneaky cowlick located towards the front of right ear. He then glanced down at his watch seeing that it was past seven. She wasn't late -- no no. She was going to come.

He smiled and nodded to himself totally reassured but then the smile disappeared and his head came crashing down to the table as the resolve once again disappeared away from him.

*THUNK* She isn't coming! His mind wailed.

*THUNK* He was going to add another girl to his wall of failed relationships. And this time he didn't even get a trophy prize to commemorate it like Opal. Every time he looked at that orange and blue striped scarf she gave him he was reminded of her -- and her pants -- and her annoyingness.

*THUNK* He realized that he didn't really care about Opal anymore.

*THUNK* But he did about this girl.

*THUNK* Please god let her come!

*THUNK* Hey maybe she was coming.

He stopped pounding his head against the table with that though and stared around at the restaurant from his booth hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

Suddenly optimistic about his chances probably due to smacking his head one to many times on the table he smiled a goofy grin.

He then rubbed his hands together with glee. He was finally going to get a date with his own fiery red head. Every guy that was part of the X-Men team had at least one thing with a red head. Even the professor, a thought that he shuddered at.

He had to get it on with at least one red head to truly belong the team again.

What about Marge? Asked the annoying voice in his head. Well we never really dated he admitted to himself but just to make himself correct he amended to his vow. He had to get it on with a fiery red headed girl that wouldn't leave him for her dad.

That was not one of his more shining moments.

Or left for a bald chick.

But that was a blond he remembered. Still not one of his most happy memories.

Or left for their cousin.

He frowned in disgust. It suddenly came apparent to him that the whole time he was with Opal that he must have been under the influence of a very subtle yet very insidious mind control. (Author's subtle note. I might write a story about this. Really I might. And as a bonus I'll throw myself in because I had my own Opal -- err in guy form.)

And there she appeared just out of the air. Of course she might have been standing next to him for the last few minutes as he went over his horrific love life.

He looked up at her and smiled happily.

Daphne Blake.

A girl who actually used the word groovy in enjoyment.

A girl who was sexy and hot.

A girl who was wearing the same outfit that she wore when he asked her out.

Bobby frowned, that usually wasn't a good sign.

"Jeepers Bobby I'm sorry I'm late. There was just some bogus traffic on the way here."

"Oh that's ok." He replied as she sat down.

"Is there something bothering you?" She asked.

"Well isn't that the outfit I asked you out in?"

"Well yeah. I thought you really dug it so I decided to wear it to the date."

"Oh." Bobby replied.

"Its not like I have a closetful of the same outfit that I would wear constantly -- cause that would be weird." She added with a nervous laugh. "Speaking of weird things. Did you do something with your hair cause I am digging the new color."

"New color?" Bobby asked confused.

"Yeah. Like when you asked me out it was a ripping shade of chocolate brown and now it's like a totally groovy shade of a sandy brown."

"It must be the lighting." Bobby replied wondering briefly if she was smoking anything.

"Gee whiz you must be right but anyway you look really nifty either way."

"Uh thanks and purple really is your color."

"Thanks and thanks for asking me out. You are such a swell guy and my last boyfriend was totally lame."

"No problem, you are a pretty girl and fun to hang out with." When discounting your problem with acid he added silently.

"Jumping jelly beans! They have a lot of groovy food here."

"Uh yeah." He was really wondering about her. She looked like she was there but she sure did not sound like it. Who the hell ever said "jumping jelly beans"?

Maybe it was a fad. Damn he missed another fad.

He buried his head in the menu trying to figure out what to get. It was known to him that ordering a meal can make or break a date. The proper meal must be found in order to compliment the date.

A date with Opal was often ruined when he ordered any meat.

He recalled an incident in which he forgot that when eating with Opal he had to be a vegetarian as well.

The restaurant owners weren't too happy to see a 12-ounce steak sail through the air and hit the wall with a wet splatter.

What was wrong with him!? Why was he thinking about the most horrible person he had ever known? Was there a force controlling him? He shook his mind clear of thoughts of Opal and returned to his menu.

He briefly scanned over the items on the menu, trying to figure what meal would work best for him.

Oh chicken, he thought looking at the section. Maybe that would work. No he couldn't get chicken. Besides the obvious stereotype of a chicken, what if she saw "Chicken Run"? He saw the movie with Hank and both of them lived on Twinkies for a week.

It was that profound of a movie.

Steak I'll get steak! He decided. It's a man's meal. But what if she thinks that it's too macho. Salad? No salad is too girly. Damn! What can I get that shows me sensitive and caring but masculine and rugged?

He was still debating the important first meal when the server came up.

"Hello I am Jubilee I am your waitress this evening and -- Drake?!"

Oh god no! He thought shrinking back into his seat. He was having a nightmare. A really bad one. He pinched himself and nearly yelped in pain.

Damn, he was awake. Maybe if he somehow stayed out of her sight...

But it was inevitable. So Bobby put down his menu and glared up at her.

"Lee." He said looking at her through narrow eyelids.

"Drake." She replied coolly.

"Gee wilikers do you two know each other?" Daphne asked.

"Yes." Bobby replied and turned to Jubilee. "What are you doing here Lee?"

"I work here Drake. What are you doing here?"

"I'm on a date."

"No -- really -- why are you here?"

"I am on a date."

"Really? I thought ... Never mind. Um can I take your order?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Bobby demanded.

"Nothing." And then saw her escape, "What would you like, miss?" She sweetly asked Daphne leaving Bobby to silently fume.

After ordering their meals (Bobby had settled on the old American burger and fries standby since he was an All-American boy.) they got to talking. They were just discussing music and Bobby decided that he could perhaps love a girl who loved disco -- perhaps -- when they were interrupted.

"Daphne!" Cried out a startled voice.

Bobby looked to see a narky looking blond man come to the table. He was wearing a white shirt and billowy blue pants that blinded several of the diners and of course the worse thing was the orange kerchief around his neck that clashed with his whole outfit.. Just looking at him made Bobby less ashamed of his closet.

"Freddy!" Daphne exclaimed. "What the good gosh golly are you doing here?"

"I saw you in the window. What are you doing here?"

Daphne grabbed Bobby's hand. "I am on a date Freddy Jones."

"But what about us?!" Freddy sobbed. "The attics, the basements, the secret rooms and all our other groovy times together? We are hurting the gang by not being together"

Yup he had definitely missed the latest fad judging by how those two were talking.

"Freddy Jones you are so bogus. I saw you and Shaggy together. I mean Shaggy?! Ewww!"

Bobby listened them prattle on feeling sorry for Daphne and himself. There was nothing more embarrassing than an ex showing up on a date.

Listening to Freddy's annoying nasally voice prattle on he felt sorry for whoever this Shaggy was. No one deserved to date this guy.

He then rested his head on his hands as Freddy tried to sway Daphne back to him with fond memories and Daphne then refute them.

"Well jeepers Freddy I hate to tell you this but size does matter. And good gosh it's not like you had any skill to make up with it."

Bobby phased the rest of the conversation out, his attention once again refusing to remain focused on something for a certain amount of time. He wondered if they would get the message if

And across the room an evil presence stirred. the light of a lamp that was swinging haphazardly in the room missed the being underneath it. But the flimsy light caught on a skull earring causing it to glow menacing. And then the creature stood up, its large pant legs billowing to the floors.

Yes Opal Tanka was there and she was ready once again to enact her role of ruining Bobby Drake's life.

She was the one who talked to Bob Harras out of all the good Bobby plotlines

She was the one who gave Operation Zero Tolerance a crappy ending.

She was the one who set up a great girl named Jen with a bland guy named Tim causing her to lose all hope for love -- but that's another horrific story.

And she was the one who once again was going to ruin Bobby's all too frail self-confidence and romantic life.

Meanwhile in the corner of the building was Kathy-Lee Gifford. She was being surrounded by a bunch of reporters on her latest scandal that even her perky, upbeat, and nauseating smile couldn't solve. Some of them knew the truth. Some of them have listened to her album. (Author's note: I have not heard it! So I am just guessing it is awful. I fear the safety of what little sanity I have left.) So she stalked away, her eyes glowering at the reporters, her true face revealed.

Stalking away she ran into Jubilee who was holding a dish of flambe.

Jubilee was twisted around and bumped into the back of Opal.

Now we all know thanks to the laws of physics that Opal's big hair is unnatural and there is no way that it can be that big without some artificial means, namely hairspray.

Not just any hairspray, her own private mix of hairspray that she had made after using ten cans of extra strength hold a day. It was possibly the most powerful hold hairspray ever made. And as we know hairspray is extremely flammable.

So while the flame never touched Opal's hair, it was far enough in the aura of the fumes of the spray to light up...

...And have Opal's hair catch fire. It was an amazing site to see for while many people in the restaurant have seen a whole person on fire they never seen someone whose hair was on fire. Many decided she was the newest super hero debuting through judging by her clothes she could have been a super villain.

Opal gave a harpy like piercing scream confirming many people's suspicions that she was a super villain. She then started running around the room and falling every few feet due to her hot pink and neon green striped pants.

Jubilee reached for a pitcher of water to douse the flames but then noticed who was on fire.

She instead grabbed a basket of peanuts from the bar and sat down to enjoy the show.

Bobby watched as a familiarly strange woman whose hair on fire streaked past him. He wondered if he should chance using his powers to help her.

He then realized it was Opal.

He sat back in his chair contemplating his choices. The right thing to do was to help her.

Of course there was many other arguments against it. Risking exposure to his secret identity was one. But it was not the main reason. He was just happy to see her get hers

and so he took a slurp of his drink and like Jubilee sat back to enjoy the show.

Half her hair was burnt away when Opal bumped into Freddy. And we all know how flammable polyester is, right? Well of course Freddy's pants lit up.

Now Jubilee not knowing who Freddy was, decided to get a fire extinguisher and in a moment of absolute generosity gave it to Bobby.

He looked at her with a surprised genuine smile, "For me?" He asked.

"You deserve it." She replied with s huge grin and leaned over adding in a wicked whisper, "Make sure it's really cold."

"Will do." He told her touched by her benevolent gesture.

He sprayed them while lowering the temperature of the foam. He particularly enjoyed their squeals of pain came out.

Opal sat up, half her hair gone and now looking like a fro and stared at Freddy. His pants had burned away and were now wearing a pair of leopard fur thong underwear confirming Daphne's statement on his small size. He then turned to Opal and gave her a penetrating stare.

"Oh my god!" Opal squealed, "Where did you get that scarf?!"

Freddy simultaneously squealed, "Oh my god! Where did you get those pants! I always wanted a pair like that."

Bobby disgusted turned to Daphne to see she was zonked out. Saddened he was alone he sighed.

Then he was tapped on the shoulder by a petite girl with brown hair and wide rimmed glasses.

"Um hi." She said.

"Hi." He said to the strangely cute girl.

"Sorry about my friends their kind of nuts. I'm here to pick them up. I'm Velma."

"I'm Bobby -- and trust me, I understand."

She surveyed the room of Freddy and Opal talking giddily about big pants and their usage, Jubilee cracking her gum, and Daphne looking at nothing in a far away look in her eyes.

Then she looked at the stunningly cute guy ahead of her.

Daphne always got the guys she told herself.

"Daphne has a severe drug problem." She told Bobby.

"I figured that out." He eyed her, something like a force on high a fanfic writer high on sugar told him this was the one. So he tested her.

"What's your opinion on twinkies, Star Wars, and mutants?"

"I love them all." She replied in awe.

"Wanna be my girlfriend?" He asked.

"Sure." Was her quick reply.

They then linked arms and went to the latest McDonald's where they played in the ball pit.

Shaggy later came in and beat the crap out of Opal and Freddy with the help of Scooby-Doo. In this fight Scrappy-Doo was killed. And all of them went to jail.

Daphne Blake is currently in rehab and doing well.

Jubilation Lee was promoted to assistant manager of the restaurant for her heroic reactions and rules the restaurant with an iron fist and chewing gum.

Bobby Drake and Velma Dinkley are combining their skills in order to break into Skywalker Ranch.

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