Shopping for the Girls
by Paul Hamrick

The Xavier mansion, home to the mutant team known as the X-Men. Where currently a battle is being fought...

"Please guys?" Jean batted her eyelashes at Remy, and Bobby. "I know it's Rogue's and my turn for shopping this week, but we have a appointment in town and we can't get it postponed. Pretty please?" She put on her most adorable puppy face, looking at the guys with her deep green eyes.

They both sighed in unison, unable to say no. "All right, Cherie. We do th' shoppin' for you."

Jean grinned and handed Bobby the list, he slowly skimmed over it till he came to a certain item and cringed. "You want us to get WHAT!?"

Remy looked over Bobby's shoulder and grinned, "What's th' matter, Drake? Embarrassed t' be seen at th' checkout wit' dat?"

Bobby turned around and glared in Remy's general direction, "No, I am not embarrassed to be seen at the checkout with it. I'm embarrassed because we have to get four cases of it!"

Remy paled slightly, leaning down to get a better look. "Merde! Four cases?! Does it happen t' all of dem at th' same time?!"

Bobby sighed, and grabbed the keys to the van, "C'mon gumbo, we got some shopping to do."

Groaning, Remy followed behind him until he was close enough to snatch the keys. "I'm drivin', ice-cube."

Later, at the Westchester Super-Mart Warehouse...

"Hey gumbo? You think Logan would be mad if I got him a spiked collar and some flea-bath?" he asked as they strolled through the pet aisle.

"Non," Remy replied, "I t'ink he'd just put the collar on you, than tie you up in Scott and Jean's bedroom."

Bobby blinked, turning his head to look at him. "What makes you say that?"

Remy grinned, "T' convince Jean, that Scott and you are into gay bondage."

Muttering, Bobby took ahold of his cart and started walking towards the junk food aisles. "If anyone in the mansion is gay, it's Bishop. That guy is too anal for anybody."

"'ey, Bobby, what kind of pork rinds does Logan want?" Remy asked, pushing his cart up behind him.

"I don't know, so I got him some dog bones."

"You're goin' t' be a dead man, Drake."

"I know, but it'll be worth the look on his face."

Bobby scratched the top of his head, his eyes darting back and forth across the store interior. "Now where the hell did he go?" Walking back towards the board game aisle, he got his answer. There was Remy, loading up another cart with cases of playing cards. "What the hell are you doing?"

Remy looked up, "I need some playin' cards, do y' mind?"

Bobby unrolled the list and looked it over, than shoved it in Remy's face with a grin. "They're not on the list!"

"Your six-pack of glow in de dark condoms weren't either, but I didn' say nothin', now did I?" Remy retorted.

Bobby blinked a few times as the other people in the aisle turned to give him a funny look. "Ya know, gumbo, I hate you. I really do hate you."

"Non, you don't, Bobby. So, is that everything?"

"No, not quite."

"What are we missin' den?"

Bobby pointed to an item and Remy cringed instantly. "I see. Let's get dis over wit' den."

"Can't we just say we forgot them?" Bobby pleaded.

"Non, they'd kill us. Besides, redheads are known to be ruthless. Remember when Scott forgot to put th' toilet seat back down?"

Bobby cringed, but nodded.

Remy lead the way towards the appropriate aisle, glancing up and down the shelves. "I'm lost, I'm lost!" He quietly muttered to himself, until he came to what they were after, than froze. "She didn't tell us what kind!"

Bobby blinked and looked down at the list, "You're right. So just grab one, they're all the same."

"Non! They have the extra absorbent, the ones with wings." Groaning, he grabbed one of each and loaded them onto the cart. His head hung low, he headed towards the checkout lines. "Come, grasshopper. Our end is near."

"Remy? That wasn't funny."


"The total will be $545.98." The cashier said politely.

Sighing, Remy swiped his credit card through, then signed the appropriate alias for the card. Looking up, he winked at the cashier while Bobby finished bagging everything. "Y' know, I lost m' phone number. Can I borrow yours?"

Giggling, she looked over to Bobby and back to Remy. "I thought you two had girlfriends, why with some of those things you bought."

Remy grinned, "Non, they're for Bobby. He's havin' an identity crisis."

Bobby's head snapped up, but he gave a slight grin. Walking over to Remy and putting his arm through his. "Oh, come on, baby. You promised to take me out to dinner too!"

Remy blinked as Bobby shoved him through the door. Grabbing the carts he looked over at the cashier with a snarl. "He's mine! Just you remember that!"

"Bobby, I ought t' kill you right now. " Remy said as he piled the groceries into the back of the van.

"You deserved it, and you know it."

"Dat's beside th' point."

"All I hope is we got the right things." Bobby gave a shudder, thinking about what would happen if they hadn't.

"Me too, mon ami. Me too."


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