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Stories by Shera Crawler 007

"Doobie Doobie Do"
Wolverine receives a visit from the evil BudIce penguin.

"More Bad Fan-Fiction (or Just Who the Heck is Worf?)"
written with Raven Adams
The sequel to "Bad Fan-Fiction," this is an X-Men/Star Trek:TNG crossover. The product of two very sick minds.

"And You Thought Being a Woman Was Fun?"
Rogue tries for a "Girls' Night Out" with Storm and Jean, and it's a downhill ride from there...

Elsewhere on Alykat's World

"Wave Goodbye to Sanity"
Bobby agonizes over calling up a man to ask for a date. Slash.
(at (un)frozen)

"And Time Marches On"
Bobby awakens in someone elses bed, and tries to push away the implications of the previous night. Slash. (sequel to "Wave Goodbye to Sanity")
(at (un)frozen)


Disclaimer: I own no Beer companies or their spokes amphibians & birds. That goes double for the rabbit (BOOMBOOMBOOM) oops bunny (Sorry Gizer). I don't own Marvel char. either (sigh). I've moved to a rather nice doorway, and I have no pockets for the lawyers to take money from so don't sue please? I am not making any money off of this, nor am I getting any free beer (which I couldn't drink anyway). So once again don't sue, and this could be considered free advertising (hey it's just a suggestion).

Wolvie searched the fridge a minute and sighed. ~The last two beers, oh well have tah go tah tha store tomorrow,~ he thought to himself. He grabbed the last two and took them to the Rec room, figuring it'd save a trip.

Jubilee was already sitting on the couch with the remote watching Demolition Man.

Wolvie paused watching a minute as Edgar Friendly gave his unforgettable speech about freedom-"I want to run through the streets naked with green jello all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Cause I might suddenly feel the need to, okay pal? I've seen the future, know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sittin around in his basement drinkin a banana broccoli shake thinkin 'I'm an Oscar Meyer Weiner.'"

Wolvie shook his head as Jubilee burst out laughing, "Having Bish around really ruins future flicks. Ya know darlin, Cyke would never let ya watch this show."

Jubilee looked up at him innocently, eyes dancing, "Yep, but Cyke ain't here, so your gonna like be a nice person and let me watch it ain'tcha?"

Wolvie nodded grabbing the remote out of her hands and sitting down beside her, "Yep in between the hockey game."

She groaned as she snuggled up to him, but didn't complain to much, just a few surreptitious pokes in the side and loud complaints when he didn't change the channel fast enough.

He was half asleep when he suddenly heard a faint scratching in the kitchen, glancing at Jubes told him she hadn't heard it. He got up, "Goin tah see if anyone got any pretzels, want anythin?" no sense in worrying her.

She nodded, "Yeah, like see if there are any Doritos, Kay? But don't get em if it's Pizza flavor, that's so like nasty."

Wolvie nodded absently as he walked towards the kitchen sniffing for any unusual scents.

It smelled a little more like fish than when he'd last been in there, but he dismissed it as possibly something one of the others had gotten for dinner. The scratching sound had stopped a long time ago, and the kitchen was empty. He gave it a quick once over pausing at the fridge...the door was cracked open. Maybe Jubes left it open, she has been in here plenty gettin drinks.

Shrugging to himself, he suspiciously opened the door fully and glanced inside. A few food items were in different places and it smelled fishy there too, but once again that could be Jubes doing, could have moved something. But then that would mean she should smell fishy to, and he KNEW she didn't.

He shrugged to himself again and absently grabbed the Doritos out of the cabinet before returning and sat back in his seat with much grumbling from Jubes at having to move over slightly before leaning back on him.

"I like told you to NOT to like get those nasty Pizza chips." Wolvie shrugged and she opened the bag with a disgusted look and started in on them. She grinned at his lifted eyebrow in question, "I said they were nasty, not that I wouldn't like eat them anyway."

He shook his head and flipped back to the end of the hockey game, then the phone rang. Jubilee had brought one of the cell phones with her, "It's probably Ev, so I'll get it Kay?"

"Hello?....Hello?....Who is this?" She hung up and looked at him, "Crank caller."

He nodded, they had only watched the T.V. for a minute when the phone rang again. "I'll answer it this time Jubes" He grabbed the phone


"Doobie Doobie Doo"

"Who is this?"

"Doobie Doobie Doo"

He growled menacingly and hit the off button savagely wishing for the good old phones that you could slam. The phone rang again immediately and Wolvie picked it up-


"Doobie Doobie Doo."

"Bobby if you keep this up I'm gonna skin ya alive."

"Doobie Doobie Doo."

Jubilee grabbed it out of his hands

"BOBBY!!!! QUIT!!!!"

"Boom Boom Boom Boom."



It was a sinister evil-sounding incessant drumbeat that wouldn't quit. She hung up more than a little scared now, she couldn't ever remember Drake being THAT persistent before. She glanced at Wolvie as the phone rang again. They stared at it waiting for the caller to hang up, but it kept ringing, and ringing, and ringing. Wolvie answered it not saying a word,

"Doobie Doobie Doo."

It was said in a sinister sing-song voice, that seemed closer somehow than it had before. He hung up. The phone started to ring again. "Jubes whatever it is that's callin I think it's comin here, we oughta get away from the windows." Jubilee nodded and they went to the medilab, the only opening there was the single door.

They rearranged the room so that the door was blocked, and they had room if it came to a fight, and then leaned against the far wall to wait and the phone rang the entire time.
An hour later the doorknob turned slowly then rattled when the door didn't open. Wolvie signaled Jubes and moved silently beside the door with his claws out, Jubes stood in front ready to let loose with her pafs and fry whatever it was, if it got past Wolvie.
The door burst opened and Wolvie leapt on one very stunned Beast, knocking him to the floor. Wolvie let him up with a sheepish grin and Hank glared at him, "May I inquire as to the reason you assume my furry self poses a possible threat to your continued well-being my friends?"

"If yer askin why I jumped ya that's why." Wolvie pointed at the still ringing phone. Beast looked at him, then answered it, "Hello? Oh no sorry wrong number." He hung up and the phone didn't ring again.

Beast looked at him questioningly, he growled and yanked the phone from his hands before storming out of the room. As soon as he was alone in the hall the phone started ringing again, he turned and stalked back into the room...the phone quit ringing as soon as he reached the door.

He turned once more and walked down the hall, sure enough as soon as he was out of hearing it began to ring again. He stormed back to Beast who looked at him questioningly, "Can ya set it tah trace tha caller next time it rings?" Beast nodded slowly unsure if he should be catering to this sudden onset of insanity, he turned grabbing a device from the nearest table, and attached it to the phone. "That it?" Beast nodded, and Wolvie turned and stormed out of the room. He made it all the way back to the living room before it rang again. He answered,


"Doobie Doobie Doo."


"Doobie Doobie Doo."

The device had it traced.

"Yer goin down!"

"Doobie Doobie Doo BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM."

Wolvie hung up, and glanced at the screen on the was the mansion's number. ~Must've gotten in tha house, wonder why Cerebro didn't say nuthin...~

He began searching the house looking for the only other occupants other than Beast and Jubes. The first two floors were clean...that only left the attic stairs, where the fish smell got stronger.

Wolverine glanced up the dark stairs, seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he released his claws and started up slowly. Once he reached the top he paused sniffing, the fish smell was nearly overwhelming, fish...and acid...battery acid. He hit the light switch by the stairs, but the room was empty. The phone rang, and he answered it cursing


"Doobie Doobie Doo...beep."

That was the first time they had hung up on HIM. He turned slowly studying the room and noticed a half hidden door on the far side. He slowly, silently crept toward it and got to one side before cautiously reaching over to turn the handle and swing the door open. Nothing happened. He slowly peeked in...and stopped dead at the sight of...a penguin and pink bunny holding a drum and a battery crowded around a cell phone, surrounded by empty sardine cans and beer bottles. They looked up at him, and started laughing.

He jerked straight up and found himself on the couch. Something sloshed on him and he looked down to find he was holding a Miller Ice bottle, in disgust he threw it away from him.

"I'm drinkin Bud from now on.", he swore to himself as the T.V. caught his eye.

It was the news, the end of it at least, and they had a very familiar face on tonight. "And in the news tonight this man, international villain known only as Sinister was apprehended in the city streets outside a bar. He was admitted to the
insane asylum.

The T.V. went to a reel of Sinister in straitjacket, he was screaming and drooling on himself as the burly guards dragged him into the building, "THE PENGUIN MADE ME DO IT. THE PENGUIN heehawheeDoobie Doobie Doo hehehe. AND HIS LITTLE BUNNY TOO!!!!"

In background even with his enhanced eyesight he could just barely make out a penguin holding a beer standing next to a pink bunny beating on a drum.

They were signaling something, and suddenly he make out three frogs scampering off into the night. The penguin turned to the camera making throat slitting signs, which he knew was meant for him...

He came awake again slowly feeling a weight on his side he wasn't accustomed to. It was Jubilee fast asleep. He shook his head, all a dream, the news was going off, so he shut off the T.V. Slowly he eased Jubes off him until he could get up, then eased her down so gently she didn't wake. The phone rang, and he jumped, then sheepishly answered the phone.








Wolvie fainted. Scott walked in and looked him over, then bent a plucked the phone from his hand





"Okay Bobby it's over you can come out now."

Bobby walked in the door holding a cell phone and started laughing when he caught sight of Wolvie stretched out on the floor.

Jean walked in behind him, "Hopefully that will teach him about drinking to much beer for a while and leaving water rings on my furniture. I never knew he had such weird dreams, I didn't have to insert much."

Jubilee sat up groggily and stopped in shock as she noticed Wolvie,"What happened?" The only response she got was laughter.


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