Sorry about this, but this is what you get when you put a writer who is insane (BWAHAHAHAHAHEE) and a writer who's trying not to take her aggression out on her favorite fan-fic char (namely Kevin. Kev: Is it safe to come out now?) together. Don't worry, I've found Shera's straight jacket (the one with pics of Wolvie and Kurt all over them {Oh boyee! Wolvie baby & Kurtsy Wurtsy *pant*}) and she's safely snuggled up in her little padded cell {but you never know when she might get out HeeHaaWhoo}, so you don't have to hide the kids
Worf and the others ST:TNG people belong to... someone I'm sure, not us at least.{And I Shera for one wants nothing to do wit mountain head!}
Bish and the others in the spandex brigade belong to the marvelous wonderful phenomenon that is Marvel, and they can have him for all we care. {Whoa thar Bish watch where yur pointin that gun there *BOOM* *OWW* I TOLD YA TA WATCH IT!!}
Jon (Sinister with the sticker and paint on face- yeah and don't forget contacts and weird brother Winister.) belongs to the insaneness ( I prefer I.Quically challenged) that is Shera Crawler 007 (or it might be the little ole Lady from Pasadena...nah it's Shera. {whom is owned by some musical group- not Shera the lil ole lady!}. He can be found in Shera's "Sinister: Unmasked" story {cowering in fear of the next addition along with poor smelly abused Scott} and that can be found here)
Slim, Gina, and Doc belong to Rave from her story "Bad Fan-Fiction (An X-Men Story, I Think) and that can be found here (and here)
Bud, Wise, and Er (Also in Bad Fan-Fic) belong to Budweiser. Not us, and we're sorry we killed one of them...{Yeah I was aimin at the Iguanas oh well bad aim! Sorry ER!}
The green Jello thing came from "Demolition Man" (Man Shera, you need to lay off the Sly movies!) {I will when pigs fly! Oh hi Babe nice wings [SMACK-Kissing all those Sly movies goodbye]}
The song Bish sings is from THE BODYGUARD soundtrack, sung by Whitney Houston. So it isn't mine, it isn't Bish's, and it isn't Raves. It's theirs! So there Ha!

by Raven Adams and Shera Crawler 007
(Shouldn't that be Shera Crawler 007 and Raven Adams?)
{I've written more stories then you so there, nyah!}
(humph)
May 1, 1998

Bishop awoke to a red flashing light and the most god awful squealing sound. Instantly he was out of bed, grabbing for his gun.

It wasn't there!

He searched under that mattress and his pillow. The several knives and small guns he kept there were gone!

"What madness is this?!?" He asked to the air.

"Please restate the question." A cold impassive female voice sounded in the room.

Bishop turned around, looking for the speaker, but found he was alone, and not in his own room. "Just what the hell is going on here?" He asked, "And where are my weapons?"

"Mr Worf!" A French accent sounded from his chest. "This is a Red Alert, and if you wouldn't mind, get your @$$ up here!"

Something tingled in his body, and a blue light surrounded him.

Bishop glared at accent with his best future XSE member glare and rose up to his full height.

It didn't work, no one cowered in terror, Bishop shrugged and tried the next best thing, he threw himself at the black man in the corner wearing a hairband over his eyes.

They fell to the floor and started rolling around, Bishop was strangling him.

"Geordi, do you need assistance?" then a pale man pulled Bishop off of the man wearing the hairband and threw him into the wall.

Bishop was more than a little angry now, thank god he always kept an extra knife in his pajama bottoms, he lowered his hand to the hiding place, and suddenly found the pale guy pointing something at him. He assumed it was dangerous, and quickly grabbed the knife and threw it at him.

The man caught it in mid flight.

Just then he heard a hiss of air and turned to the door towards a....man with ridges like a small mountain range running up his forehead.

"Mr.Worf, this man was beamed on the ship by accident." Mr. Worf glared the room into submission, and Bishop couldn't help feeling the tinge of jealousy along with the childish thought I wish I could do that not that meanie poopoo head.

Mr. Worf walked toward him and stopped. He frowned. Something wasn't right.

Suddenly, a little old man appeared in between them.

"Gateway!" Bishop yelled at the same time as everyone else moaned "Q."

"Did someone call me?" Q asked popping in. He looked at Worf, then at Bish, and disappeared again.

Bish launched himself at the little man, but he disappeared as did Worf.

He looked around at all the unfarmiliar faces surrounding him. One looked a little like the professor, only with a bit more hair, and not quite as shiny a top. A man with a beard stood over him, a strange looking device in his hands.

Bish jumped on him, struggling to get the devise from his hand, then he pulled the man up, bring his arm tight behind his back. It all happened too fast for anyone to do anything, and before anyone knew it, Bish was holding the devise at the man's head.

"Anyone gets near me, he gets it." He said, actually shielding himself with the other man, something he'd never done before. He walked backwards, bringing the man with him, to the hissing door, and walked through.

Worf snarled at the people in tight fitting colorful uniforms surrounding him. It did no good.

"Sugah, ya picked the wrong time ta mess with us." A woman with a white strip in her hair said.

Scott stepped forward since he was the leader to find out what this new threat was, but he never made it. Rogue threw up a fist to shake at Worf and Scott was down with a bloody nose, and a broken visor.

Worf snarled again unsure if they had heard him the first time, they should at least be uneasy, but that striped woman seemed to be getting angrier. Worf was shocked when he got a return snarl, and a short stocky man stepped out of the crowd.

Worf studied him, now this was a man worthy of a Klingon. Worf cocked his head to the side menacingly "snarl snort, growl, snarl!"(roughly translates to: who are you?)

"Snort snort growlsnort" (We're the X-Men who are you, bub?)

"snarl sniffsniff, Snort" (Worf, of the Enterprise)

"Growl sniffsniff snore snort" (You're on my land get off!)

"Snort growl SNIFF SNORE SNORT!!!!!" (BEEPBEEP NO BEEPBEEP LET'S FIGHT BEEP)

"GROWL SNORT!!!!!" (ALRIGHT LET'S!)

Rogue glared at both of them "I don't know what you two got up your noses, but ya'll better start talkin English or else."

Logan looked at her and seeing the look on her face immediately ran for the back of the group.

Scott groaned on the ground, "Oh god Rogue you busted my visor I can't see!"

Rogue ignored him and strode up to Worf pointing a finger in his face,"You mister bump head better start explaining yourself or else!"

Worf glared at her wondering why she wasn't cowering yet and said in almost a snarl,"I got dragged here by Q the sniveling dishonorable mumblemumble. Who do you think you are, addressing a member of the Enterprise crew in such a way?"

Rogue groaned, "That's it I'm sick of you!" With that she grabbed his shirt front and slung him over her shoulder, unfortunately right into blind Scott who had just gotten up. They both crashed to the ground with considerable force.

"De Chere she got a bad temper, non?" Gambit said to no one in particular and got slung into a tree for his trouble by one very angry Rogue.

Joseph was watching her in his lovesick way,"Rogue I know I don't remember anyone else doing that, but that was absolutely beautiful."

Rogue glared at him a moment then sank to the ground crying, "No one evah said that tah me evah Waaaaah!"

Meanwhile on the Enterprise, the professor looking man started walking towards him slowly, "Um Sir please put down the weapon. We aren't going to hurt you."

That's it I'm sick of this, first the meanie with the better glare, and now they have their own Professor. And with that thought Bishop began pushing buttons on the weapon thingee hoping he hit the right one.

Instead, he hit the wrong one. "Mon dieu! He hit the distrust button!" The Professor man said.

The door hissed open behind Bish, and he threw the thing at the pale-faced man--Why do I sound like an indian?--and pushed his captive out, and stepped into the next room.

"Destination please?" That same female voice said.

"Uh... I don't know, you pick?" I'm sounding more and more not like myself each second I spend here. He thought.

"Ten Forward Lounge." the woman said and the floor started to move under him.

The doors opened again, and he was in a lounge. Many Morlocks were in the lounge looking out at the... the... STARS?!?!??!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?

"I'm on Graymalkin! CABLE! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!?!?"

Xavier's.

"By the Goddess, he looks almost like Bishop!"

"Where is Bish anyway?"

"I don't know, and I don't care, this one's much better!"

"Oh, Storm, I don't like that look in your eye... you look like you used to when Forge was around!"

"Oh shut up Jean!" She said, lifting Worf's head up, and kissed him hard on the mouth.

Worf thrashed and kicked his legs, kicking and hitting Scott, who was still under him, in the process.

"Heh, you usually have you pay to see something like this!" Joe said.

Rogue dried her tears quickly and stood. "PIG!" she screamed, and he went flying after Remy.

Remy groaned as Joseph hit him and he heard a crack as one of their ribs cracked...probably both of them. Remy sat dazed staring an equally dazed Joseph, sprawled in his lap, in the face, "You know Homme, it jus might be easier tah stick wit yur own kin' dan ta brave dis every mont'"

Joseph looked at him with pure terror in his eyes, he gulped,"Do you mean to say Remy, that this happens every month?!"

Remy nodded solemnly, "Yep sometim' even twice a mont'."

Joseph fainted.

Bishop was getting more and more alarmed by the second. Those stars looked awful fake to him though. Either this was a dream, or it was real, he was NOT going to accept the second option.

He glared around him searching for a familiar face and found not a one. His eyes fell on a black woman behind the bar that looked so familiar...so familiar and beautiful. He strode to the bar and she smiled at him a little in greeting. With much throat clearing he began, "I...I...love you, will you marry me?"

She gazed at him in stunned silence and he shrugged This must be a dream, so I can do what I always wanted to right? Right he lunged over the bar and kissed her hard and passionately.

When he pulled away for breath he looked down at her and noticed she was still staring at him in shock. Oh well now for what I always wanted to do, but the X-men never would allow me to

He jumped lightly over the bar grabbed an empty table stood at the top, removed his Barney pajama top and stood bare to the waist singing his favorite song at the top of his lungs:

If I should have stayed
I would only be in your way-ay
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way-ay
And I-ahI will always love you
Will alway love you
My darling you
Bittersweet memories,
that is all I'm taking with me-ee
So goodbye, please don't cry
We both know I not what you need

He stopped out of breath, and grabbed another weapon thingee that was lying on the table next to him. He studied it for a moment while everyone in the room paused in tense silence.

Satisfied he'd found a killing setting he began firing at the large windows showing the stars. Instead of shooting anything life threatening the thing squirted water, in disgust he flung it across the room and grabbed a chair.

He started bashing it into the window trying to break it. After a few minutes of getting no where he violently threw the chair across the room knocking out an innocent bystander.

He went back to the bar, the woman was still staring at him shocked. "Give me Jello, Green Jello and lot's of it." The woman went to a machine and ordered a gallon of the stuff and handed it to him.

Right there in the middle of the crowded bar Bishop stripped stark naked and began rubbing green jello all over himself.

The woman was REALLY staring now.

After applying as much as he could he turned to the door where the security had just come running in.

They were stopped in shock staring at him.

Bishop gave them a giant smile and ran out the door as fast as he could screaming "Mary Had A Little Lamb" at the top of his lungs.

(Rave: Okay, Shera, this is getting out of hand we need to do something)
(Shera: How about a dancing pink poodle, or maybe...I KNOW!!!! Bish needs pink jello to go with the green!)

INTERMISSION!!!!

I looked up from kissing Gina Gondola passionately as the door slammed open and a man with funny looking thingees hanging off his back walked in. Gina stood and straightened her dress out, and perched her pretty self up on my desk beside Doc and lit a cig.

The man had a air about him... no, not just an air, he smelled like last week's garbage, or was that my underwear? And haven't I said that before?

I quietly ponder to myself, and then something catches my eye. Must have caught Gina's too, because she said something.

"Ya know ya've got a big red zit on your nose? It don't look too good with all that white paint, an' ya got one red eye an' one blue one. Come on, yer freakin' out the frogs."

"Bud."

"Wise."

"Er!"

The man reached up to his nose and he pulled off a red sticker in the shape of a diamond. Then he wiped off most of the paint with the back of his hand.

"Who are ya, and why are ya here?" I asked, takin' a swig from a bottle of gin that was near by. One of the frogs hiccuped, then croaked. Literally, fallin off my desk, dead as a door nail.

"I'm Jon, and I'm here for.... Gina!" He ran around me, and grabbed at Gina, who shrieked and ran out the door. Jon took chase, I just stood there.

Suddenly, a naked black man covered in green slime walked in.

"This is MY story!" Bish yell. "Get out of it!"

"You're story?!? It's mine!" Worf said. Storm came in after him and once he saw her, ran for his life.

"Wait! I love you!" Storm yelled running after Worf. Jean was running behind her, chasing after Jon.

"No! I love you!" Slim said chasing after Jean.

Doc looked up from his place on the desk at Bish, before the baby alligator could say anything, the man covered in green jello ran screaming from the room. Just then Troi showed up and chased after him because she wanted to chase something!

END INTERMISSION!!!

(Rave: Well, that was pointless)
(Shera: No it wasn't I understood the point rather well- when in doubt chase a cute guy {HEY WOLVIE COME BACK!!!! (ARAGH!!) EH EH whad'ya know finally caught him *evil grin*aww ain't he such a lil cutie?})

Bish strutted around coved in nothing but green jello, deflecting all attacks, because he was naked and anyone getting near him dropped to the floor laughing their heads off.

He had long ago stopped singing nursery rhymes and started in on the constitution. "AND WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT Lala THAT ALL MUTANTS ARE CREATED EQUAL LALALA!"

One of the guards laughing on the floor rolled over and his phaser accidentally went off burning Bishop on the rear.

Bishop yelped in pain and stopped dancing and singing, and started thinking, thinking hard. His face drained of all color and he ran for his life back to the bar and his jammies.

He put them on as quickly as possible, noticing the woman at the bar was staring at him with lust in her eyes instead of shock. She began walking toward him, stalking really, staring at him intently.

He turned and ran for his life, but she continued after him hopping along lazily, she knew she'd catch him in the end and then...she licked her lips in contemplation.

Worf was turning blue, and Storm STILL didn't show any sign of letting him up.

Scott had quit struggling awhile back, and everyone assumed he'd been knocked unconscious, and more than a few we're not just assuming, they we're praying.

Rogue was glaring threateningly at Remy, who was NOT going to get up just so he could be her punching bag. No way.

Jean was getting more than a little jealous of Storm, but Scott wasn't exactly awake to kiss.

She shrugged and grabbed Logan, who was attempting to slink past Rogue without being seen, and planted a big kiss right on his mouth. He stiffened in shock, but soon started responding.

"Jean! What're ya'll doin? Your married gal, ya cain't be kissin him! I wanna!" and with that she grabbed him and kissed him too.

Logan slid unconscious to the ground a moment later . Rogue's eyes glowed with a feral light and she growled at Jean.

"Heh heh, Rogue calm down, girlfriend. You're just upset because of Logan, you got to remember who you are and fight it."

Rogue looked at her curiously, "Oh this ain't Logan gal, this's me mad cause he passed out so quick. This a'here's Logan" a looked of utter fear and dejection passed over her features, "That's Logan, I much prefer mahself, bout yah gal?"

"I prefer Logan." Jean said imperiously.

"Oh so yah think yah betta than me eh?" Jean nodded. "Yah well at least AH had tha guts tah get implants stead of runnin round with those sissy bra stuffers!"

Jean gasped, "Yeah, bra stuffers are superior to having bags of jelly stuffed in you for beauty, which you DEFINATELY need surgery to achieve."

"Oh yah didn't jus go thar. You didn't! And just how'z bra stuffers superior tah implants, eh saddle bags?"

Jean gave her a small grin, "This is how." And with that she extracted one threw it, and nailed Rogue on the forehead with a soft 'plop'.

Rogue wet her pants. "Oh gawd Logan you sissy, quit wettin on me or else!" Rogue wet her pants more. "I WOULD absorb a sissy pants wetter, oh well Jean prepare tah be shredded."

Rogue jumped Jean and they fell to the ground rolling around. They rolled into Beast and he was soon yanked into the fight.

Maggot watched for a minute, then shook his head and continued searching for his girls. They had run off AGAIN, and he was sorely tempted to let them, trucks was a rather expensive diet. Now if they could only eat something useful, more like useless, like...Bird brain.

Suddenly he was jumped from behind and knocked to the ground by a yellow whirlwind of energy, "Oh like wow, like this is like totally like KEWL!" It squealed, "Like hi like what're like you doing? Like I really like like you like ya know!"

His head was beginning to spin just trying to figure out what Jubilee was saying. Suddenly she kissed him full on the mouth, then pulled away after what felt like to him, ages.

"Ag, wha-whad'ya do that for?" he gasped.

She smiled at him, "I like you know like I like felt like it, tres cool, eh?"

Bish ran, pulling his PJ bottoms on, until he came to an open doorway, then he ran inside to...

The X-Men's living room. The door hissed shut behind him and disappeared.

He turned and looked around at his friends all standing still and dead like. Nothing moved, not a breath, not an eye. Nothing.

Bish grinned and stalked over to Scott.

He got right in front of him, nose to nose and stared into his dead looking eyes. Bishop poked him in the chest, Scott did nothing. Bishop broke out in a giant grin and glanced at another frozen figure a few feet behind Scott and froze....it was himself...man he looked good!

He punched Scott to the floor and suddenly him and Scott were in a boxing ring surrounded by screaming fans.

Bishop grinned This will be almost to easy He moved towards Scott and punched him in the jaw, Scott kicked him in the knee and pounded punch after punch into Bishop's midsection as hard as he could.

Bishop just grinned and let him, when Scott finally tired of punching him Bishop grabbed him by the ear and pulled with all his strength, Scott went flying out of the ring and hit the far wall with an audible *CRUNCH*!

Bishop had been waiting for this day so long, that's what he had trained for in the future, not saving the X-men, but beating up Scott.

Suddenly Gateway appeared before him and beckoned him to go into the portal, Bishop growled in suspicion. Gateway pulled out a piece of broccoli and threw it through the portal, Bishop dove after it mouth watering.

Worf was finely able to breath again, when the white haired woman was knocked over by the red head, the skunk hair, and the man with blue fur.

He was yanked up, and dragged into the living room where he was sat down on the couch. the man who had pulled him in here, was holding a teenager by the arm and dropped her down beside Worf, and tied their hands together.

"Likethisislikesolikenotcoolorlikeanything.AndlikeIthoughtIlike
likedEv,andthenlikeIlikerealizedIlikelikedMaggotmoreandIlike
andnowlikewonderingifIlikehaveathingforlikepeoplewithnohair
orsomething.ButIdon'tlikethinklikethatcoulldbelikeright'cause
thenIwouldlikeliketheProforlikesomething,amIlikerightorwhat?
Maybeit'sthelikecolorthing,likeyaknow?ImeanIlikeguysandI
likedon'tcarewhatthe ylikelooklikeandstuffbutyouknowlike?

Worf screamed in horror and tried to squirm away, but the man lashed him to a rope which tied them together. It was the short stocky man that had passed out for awhile.

The girl kept going on and on not even pausing for breath, Worf winced.

The man growled angrily, "GRRRRR!!!!!" The girl shut up, peace wonderful silence!! The man spoke directly to her "WHAT...WERE...YOU...DOING...WITH...MAGGOT?!!"

She turned bright red, "I like was like you know like kissing him like, and like I like really like like him, and like might've like really got like to like know like him better if you like hadn't like busted his jaw."

The man paused sorting it out, Worf had long since stopped attempting to.

Worf decided to get him while he was confused, "RELEASE ME!!!!"

The man laughed at him, laughed! Even the girl laughed at him," You like have got like to like be like kidding!"

Worf sighed, well he had tried hadn't he?

Suddenly a portal opened and a piece of broccoli came flying through to land on the floor closely followed by Bishop who ate it greedily giving the others threatening *mine* looks and growling the whole time.

Q/Gateway suddenly appeared behind Bishop and grabbed his arm, which was safe because Bishop had finally finished it.

"Q!!!!" screamed Worf.

"GATEWAY!!!!" screamed the man.

"LIKE THE LITTLE DUDE!!!!" screamed the girl.

Q/Gateway/ little dude stared at them a moment, "I have come to give you a choice, you can either take back this man (he shook Bishop a little and Bishop tried once again the submission glare...which of course didn't work) or you can keep that one...or you can keep both of them, it's your choice, you have 10 min." and with that Q/Gateway/Little dude stepped through a portal dragging both Bishop and Worf.

"Well let's go tell the others."

Jubilee nodded, "Like sigh."

The others were in a giant free-for-all, but it was almost over. Rogue had pretty much absorbed everyone, except for Gambit who had climbed the nearest tree to get away from her.

Rogue/the rest turned to look at them, "Mah Goddess theis is Vrot." Wolverine stared a minute, "Okay we have to decide whether we want Bishop, mountain head, or both of em."

Rogue glanced up,"By the Goddess I WANT mountain head." That was Storm.

"Scott, Jean, and Beast don't care."

"Ah want Bish." That was Rogue

Sam: "Ah reckon on lil ole mountain ead." Then Rogue screamed and grabbed her head going to her knees, "AHHHHHHHHH THEY'RE FIGHTIN IN MAH HEAD, I RECKON VROT!!!!!!"

Wolverine glanced up at Gambit shaking in the tree, "Bout ya, cajun?"

"I don care as long as de chere stay way from me!" Wolverine nodded and walked back in the house just as Q/Gateway/Little Dude appeared again.

"We cided tah keep em both as long as yah take one guy offa our ands."

Q/Gateway/Little Dude nodded graciously, "Who?"

"Tha Summers." Q/Gateway/Little Dude nodded in agreement and dumped Worf and Bishop who immediatly dove on Worf fists flying (and generally not hitting anything) screaming "MEANIE POO POO HEAD!!!!!".

Q/Gateway/Little Dude grabbed Wolverine with an evil grin, "Okay Summers."

Wolverine began to scream in horror as he was dragged through the portal....he was never seen again on earth, and on the Starship Enterprise every day is a day spent in terror of the man with the weird hair that's screams and cries all day and night "NO I CAN'T BE A SUMMERS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Wolverine woke up gasping for breath clutching the couch cushion in a death grip. He wildly stared about the room and screamed when he saw who was sittin next to him on the couch....Bishop...eating brocoli!

Bishop turned to him,"Heyla Logan Summers, ya wanna grab some jello and go runnin?"

Logan jumped out of bed claws released screaming.

He peered about the empty room shaking and sighed collapsing when no one was there, it was a dream.

He went to his knees at the bed, "Dear Lord, I know I ain't been mucha one tah pray but I'm praying now. If you never do anythin else for me please just do this one favor. Please Please DON'T let me be a SUMMERS! Please I will do anythin, even joinin a monestary and never kill anyone again, just don't let me be a Summers please!"

And with that he got dressed and left...to find some hard liquor, that dream had been to horrible to handle without it. I'm NEVER going to eat jello of any kind while watching Star Trek with Bishop ever again, I swear.

He shuddered again.

Scott passed him in the hall, "Hey Logan."

Wolverine screamed and ran down the hall as fast as he could screaming "No no stay away, stay away. I'm NOT related to you!"

Scott watched him barely miss the wall in his hurry to get around the corner For the life of me I will NEVER understand that man.

The End

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