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"The Susan Smith Show"

Stories in this series

A series of talk shows in which various super hero-types discuss the issues that affect their lives.

Image Is Everything
The X-Women go on a daytime talk show to explain their seemingly inexplicable choices of clothing and hairstyles.

A Brief History
Talk show host Susan Smith explores the pressing issue of why superheroes wear their underwear on the outside.

A Super Heroine's Life
Ann Miller and Ms. Marvelous (from the Super Beings Bureau Saga) go on the Susan Smith Show to discuss their respective lives as super heroines.

"Inquiring Minds"
A mysterious person writes a book that "tells all" about the secret lives of the X-Men While this isn't a true "Susan Smith" fic, there is a reference to the show in here.

Disclaimer: Susan and her show are mine, the rest is Marvel's.

Image is Everything

"Hello, and welcome to the Susan Smith Show!" the perky blonde woman chirped, smiling at the audience. "Today, we will be talking to some super heroines about women's images in this field!"

Susan gestured to the opening off the stage as a red head peeked out. A moment later, she strode to her seat and picked up a microphone. "This is our first guest, Phoenix!"

"Her teammates, Storm, Rogue, and Psylocke, are also here today!" The other three women, all in uniform, followed Phoenix onto the stage and settled down into their seats.

"Recently, in Southern Comfort magazine, there was an article about women super heros and how they are viewed by the population," Susan informed her guests. "How do you explain your choices in clothing and hairstyles?"

"What's there to explain?" Psylocke inquired, arching a purple eyebrow.

"Well... Why such elaborate uniforms? Don't they hinder you in battle?  And why do you wear such a skimpy uniform, Ms. Psylocke?"

Phoenix shook her head, sending long red tresses flying about her face. "No, Susan. All of our uniforms are carefully thought out. As impractical as they may appear to the untrained eye, they have their uses."

"Oh?" Susan said, urging further explanation.

"My uniform seems to be the one that is most debated," Psylocke said with a small shrug. "But really, it allows free movement. None of those annoying pant legs or sleeves clinging to me."

"But don't you feel exposed in such a small outfit?"

"Not really."

"Oh. What about you, Phoenix?"

Phoenix stood up, tugging at the golden clip holding her belt in place. Once free, she held it up for the audience to see. "This is a vital part of my uniform. It can be used to stab at someone," she demonstrated by stabbing the bird's wing into the chair she had been occupying. "Or as a distraction, a signal, a marker, or a nail file."

Phoenix passed the clip over to Storm before unwrapping her flowing golden sash.  "And this can be used to tie someone up, bandage a wound, or as a slingshot." She glanced around speculatively. "Does anyone have a rock?"

"No, no! That's quite all right, Ms. Phoenix!" Susan gasped out, keeping a smile plastered on her face.

"My arm and leg bands can serve the same purpose," Psylocke informed the crowd as Phoenix rewound her sash around her waist. "I can't count the number of times that these bands have been all that stood between myself and death."

"What purpose does your uniform serve, Storm?" Susan asked the as of yet silent woman.

"The streamers at my shoulders can be used to restrain someone." Storm rose to her feet, passing the sash clip back to Phoenix as the other woman sat back down. She was at Susan's side in a moment, the long purple streamer wrapping around the host's neck.

"I... *wheeze*... see," Susan gasped out, clawing at the material at her neck.

Storm let the material slacken around the woman's neck and stepped back.  "And these bulky things around my wrists and ankles serve not only to protect them, but also as a weapon. If I bring the one on my wrist down upon an enemy's head..."

"No need to demonstrate that one!" Susan replied quickly, moving back a step.

Storm calmly returned to her seat as Rogue spoke up. "I've worn three uniforms in the very recent past," Rogue said with a shrug. "So I'll just give you the benefits of this one," she gestured at the pinkish purple Shi'ar suit she was wearing. "You see these yellow things at my side? That's all padding. I can't even feel a thing when someone hits my side."

"Well, I see that you're uniforms have been quite well thought out," Susan said. She was about to move on before another thought struck her.  "Storm? What about the cutouts in your legs? And leaving your stomach bare? That can't be explained by ease of movement."

"It allows my skin to breathe," Storm answered without delay.

"Oh. Yes, well. What about your hair? All of you have long hair, which isn't clipped or restrained in any way. As glorious as that looks, doesn't it whip in your face? Or offer a tempting mode of attack to your enemies?"

Rogue grinned. "Long hair can be dangerous when used properly."  She tossed her hair over her shoulder, sending it swooshing out behind her. "A face full of hair can sting like you wouldn't believe."

"And I have hear stories of people using their own hair to strange an enemy," Psylocke added, twining a lock of her own long hair around her finger.

"That's... gruesome," Susan answered, her bright smile wavering only slightly. "What about hair pulling on your enemies parts?"

"Never happens," Phoenix shrugged. "I guess that seems too 'girly' to most of them."

"Still, why don't you tie up your hair? Doesn't it blind you when you're flying, for example?"

"You get used to it, after a while," Storm said.

"And it looks good, too," Rogue laughed.

Susan nodded and turned towards the camera. "That's all we have time for today. Next episode of Susan Smith -- male heroes and the origin of underwear over the spandex!"




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