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"The Super Beings Bureau Saga"

Stories in this series

A series of short stories about the Super Beings Bureau, someplace all super-powered types have to visit at one point or another, and Ann Miller, a long-suffering, perfectly ordinary person who wants to be a super hero in order to help people.

A Hard Day's Work
Magneto returns to the Bureau for the annual renewal of his super-being license.

So You Want to Be a Superheroine
A perfectly normal, well-adjusted woman named Ann applies to be a superheroine.

What They'll Do for Love
Sick of all the hurdles shoved in their paths, Rogue and Gambit demand a marriage license.

Office Gossip
The hard-working folks at the Super Beings Bureau discuss the most recent events at the office.

What's a Super Heroine to Do?
Trying to "help" Ann become popular, the Bureau places her with Generation X.

What a Super Heroine Should Be
The people at the Bureau make one last-ditch attempt to show Ann how to be a super heroine.

Power Hungry
Trapped in the office for nearly 2 weeks during a power outage, the folks at the Bureau -- and the long-suffering super beings who just came to renew their licenses -- must endure hunger, boredom and each other.

Clients of the Bureau visit the dentist. <Shudder>

A Super Heroine's Life
Ann Miller and Ms. Marvelous go on the Susan Smith Show to discuss their respective lifestyles as super heroines.

Ann Miller about Her Latest (blah-ish) Outing
While her frustrated Writer struggles to rewrite/revamp/redo/re-whatever Ann Miller's last appearance, Ann tells the folks at home what's going on.

Ms. Marvelous: The Early Years
(or: "So You Want to Be a Sleek Sex Goddess")
An intimate look at just how Ms. Marvelous got started in the superhero business.

I know that I said that Ann wouldn't be coming back for a while, but Lynx suggested this, so here we go again :)
Disclaimer: Ann, Susan, and Ms. Marvelous live in the Marvel Universe but belong to me. Ann's earlier adventures can be found in "So You Want to be a Super Heroine", "What's a Super Heroine to Do?", and "What a Super Heroine Should Be".
Susan is from "Image is Everything", and "A Brief History".
And the always annoying Ms. Marvelous can be found in "What a Super Heroine Should Be" as well as "Power Hungry".

A Super Heroine's Life

"Today," the smiling blonde woman informed her audience, "we will be discussing different hero techniques on the Susan Smith Show!"

Susan gestured towards the woman nearest her. "This is Ms. Marvelous," she named the big haired, high-heeled, spandex wearing woman. Ms. Marvelous smiled and nodded at the audience, basking in the wide eyed glances directed towards her impressive self.

"And this is Ann Miller," Susan stated, ending the introductions. Her second guest had remained almost unnoticed besides Ms. Marvelous' overwhelming presence. She was younger than the other woman, and wore a simple pair of jeans and running shoes.

"Ms. Marvelous," Susan said cheerfully, "tell us about your methods."

"'Tis like this, madame. Ah was trainez by de Super Beings Bureau to be da best Super Heroine dat Ah could possibly be. Dat means that muh--"

Susan coughed softly and Ms. Marvelous came to a stop. "Ms. Marvelous, for those in our audience who... can't quite hear you, it would be best if you... lost the accent."

Ms. Marvelous nodded. "Of course! I feel so horrid that such a thought hadn't occurred to me! I assure you that I feel most unhappy that I neglected to consider the needs of the poor souls seated further away!"

Ann rolled her eyes and sighed.

"As I was saying, I was trained by the Bureau which means that my training was long and intensive. I learned the proper way to dress, act, and speak, training which has helped me tremendously during my career as an enforcer of good!"

"You mean it makes you sound like a fool," Ann stated. The audience's attention swung towards the girl who had questioned the training of a Super Heroine.  Ann fidgeted beneath the collective glare of the audience.

"Can you explain that comment, Ann?" Susan prodded her.

Ann nodded. "You don't have to have an accent, or a dark past, or wear spandex to be a hero. Being a hero is far beyond any of that."

"Oh?" Ms. Marvelous said, one thin firey eybrow raising. "And what have you done since you have received your Super Heroine Licence?" She turned to the audience and smiled smugly. "I have battled and beaten that vile mastermind -- Controlla!"

"I've helped rebuild communities, and talked to people who have recently gained powers, or been caught in a super powered fight" Ann responded hotly.  "I've done a lot of good, all you've done is beaten the exact same villain dozens of times!"

"But I am the only one who can battle Controlla."

"Fine. I accept that it takes something to be able to take down a powerful villain -- but what you do is just plain ridiculous!" Ann shook her head in disgust.

"How do you stop villains?" Susan asked curiously.

Ms. Marvelous swung her long hair over her shoulder and smiled at Susan. "It is a difficult task -- one which few people are up too. It requires daring, stamina, bravery, and the will to do good!"

"What she means is that she beats the villain until he gives up," Ann said. "Probably while making stupid jokes and quips."

"And what do you do as a licenced Super Heroine?"

"Like I said, I talk to people, I help them. If I meet up with a villain, I try to talk to them. If that doesn't work -- I knock them out as quickly as possible and bring them someplace where they can be helped."

Ms. Marvelous snorted. "Helped?! Villains need only to be stopped from destroying and killing people."

"And how many things have you destroyed during your fights with Controlla?"

"That is different! Damage from a hero is much less damaging than damage from a villain. Everybody knows that!" Ms. Marvelous replied, looking highly offended.

"The training that Ms. Marvelous has received is useless. Certain people at the Bureau molded her into what they think a Super Heroine is," Ann said, ignoring Ms. Marvelous' huffed protests. "She doesn't even have her own personality -- the Image Consultant saw to that."

"I have a personality! A good one! One worthy of a Super Heroine!"

Ann shrugged, "What about your accents? And that you never seem to be the same person from one encounter to the next?"

Ms. Marvelous fumed.

"Let's move on!" Susan smiled. "How has your chosen career affected your families? Ms. Marvelous?"

The woman burst into tears. After several loud sobs, she calmed enough to answer. "That foul Controlla killed my beloved!" she sniffled, dabbing at her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Susan said. Ms. Marvelous shrugged.

"My family and friends don't mind," Ann said.

"They haven't been threatened?"

"No. I don't make as much enemies as Ms. Marvelous does."

Susan paused, struggling to find a topic to point her guests towards for the last minute of the show. "I hear that you have a theme song, Ms. Marvelous," she addressed the now dry eyed Heroine.

Ms. Marvelous nodded and began to sing. "Ms. Marvelous! Oh Ms. Marvelous! She's the best! She beats the bad guys! And always looks the best! Ms. Marvelous!" She grinned, her head still bobbing to the music only she could hear.

Ann's lips twitched, barely suppressing a smile. "I'm glad the Bureau didn't try to give me one of those."

"Only popular Heroines get theme songs!" Ms. Marvelous sniffed disdainfully.

"I'm afraid we've run out of time to discuss this further," Susan told the two women. "It was a pleasure having you both here." She faced her audience and continued. "Until next time!"




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