Down-Home Charm - Fan-Fiction: Post-Onslaught

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Post-Onslaught

Stories by Poi Lass

"The Adventures of GOD"
with Kaylee
GOD joins the X-Men. 'Nuff said. (Unfinished.)

"Laid"
Now able to control her powers thanks to Dr. Agee, Rogue decides to make the most of her new "freedom" -- with a definite plan for the evening. (Warning: mature themes.)

"One Touch"
On Rogue and Bobbby's road trip, Rogue fights to control her increased cravings for human touch.

"Start Spreading the News"
Bobby and Gambit decide to "come out" to the rest of the X-Men. You will laugh. Very hard. I promise. (Warning: Some language, mature themes.)

"What You Know Can Hurt You"
This one both is and isn't a Rogue story. A prose-style poem about a mutant that has just discovered his/her powers.

"You Did WHAT in a Cave?"
What really happened between UXM 348 and 349. (Warning: This story deals with sex. In a cave.)

elsewhere in Alykat's World:

"Changing Faces"
Morph actively pursues Bobby, much to Bobby's chagrin -- until he starts to think about it.
Alternate reality. Slash. (Some language, mature themes)
(at (un)frozen)

"Dialogue"
When Hank is rendered comatose with no chance of awakening, Bobby must come to terms with letting go of his best friend.
(at (un)frozen and Stars & Garters)

"First, Do No Harm"
After a horrible mistake, Beast abruptly leaves the X-Men, and Bobby tries to coax him to come back home. Told through a series of e-mails and online chat sessions. Utterly heart-wrenching. (Warning: Mature language.)
(at (un)frozen and Stars & Garters)

"Rain"
When Bobby and Storm decide to become romantically involved, the X-Men are ... less than jubilant about the news.
(at (un)frozen)

"A Small Addiction"
Hank receives an unusual gift -- a small, vibrating mouse -- and ponders who might have sent it to him. Sillyfic.
(at (un)frozen and Stars & Garters)

"Twenty First Century Guy"
Hank helps Bobby prepare for his first date with a man. Slash.
(at (un)frozen and Stars & Garters)

"Winter Where You Are"
Feeling unwanted and unloved, Bobby has a talk with Gambit about their relationship. Slash. (Some language and mature themes)
(at (un)frozen)

"With Any Weapon"
After Graydon Creed's attack on William Drake, Bobby fights back in the way that might hurt Creed most.
(at (un)frozen)

"Written from Purgatory: Autobiography of a Mutant"
A young mutant writes a book about her experience of meeting the X-Men. Not a Beast story, per se, but there's a reference to him here that's absolutely priceless. (Unfinished.)
(at Stars & Garters)

E-mail: poilass@bigfoot.com

Website: Quite Possibly Poi (run by Kaylee)

Disclaimer: Not mine, Marvel's. And for once, I do not envy them a bit.
Continuity: Between UXM #348 and #349.
Warning:This story contains sex. In a cave.

by Poi Lass

"One more t'ing chere. Wit' your powers negated, it means dis may be our night. Our first. Our last."

The two star crossed lovers held each other tenderly for long, precious moments, just savouring the chance to be close to each other. A brief interlude of peace and love, during their terrifying ordeal and cruel captivity. And then -

"Remy - are you saying you wanna have sex in a cave?"

"Non!"

"Oh good. Cos for a moment there I -"

Don't t'ink of it as a cave, chere... T'ink of it as a - Love Grotto."

"So - you do want to have sex in a cave-"

"-Love Grotto-"

" - Love Grotto? Remy - Ah know this is a great opportunity and all, what with mah powers being negated, but ah - ah was kinda hoping that mah first time would be a bit - y'know - special."

"It will be special mon petite pomme de terre tete!"

"Um... what does that mean?"

"My little potato head! Don' you t'ink dat's sweet?"

"... sure..."

"Anyway, it will be special!"

"Yeah." said a third voice from the other side of the cave. "It's not every virgin gets an audience. Some people really get off on that."

"Ignore her chere. Dey can't see anyt'ing from all dat way over dere."

"I'm only six feet away."

"Shut up Skippy."

"God, I hope she's not a screamer."

"Look chere, I t'ought you loved me! Dis will prove how much -- love -- we have for each other!"

"You really think that would prove our love? Havin' sex in a cave -"

"Love Grotto, chere -"

"-Love Grotto?"

"Oui."

"Oh. Okay."

Some Time Later...

"Remy, how did you get your shirt off over the chains?"

"... Velcro."

"Oh. I didn't know the Shi'ar had velcro..."

"Dey aliens chere. Dey have everyt'ing."

Some Time Later...

"Chere! Mon dieu! You have such - such - big breasts!"

"Aw Remy stop it! Yah gonna make me blush."

"Yeah Remy, stop it! You're gonna make me sick."

"But he's right, they are pretty big breasts Spat. Nice shape too. Excellent breasts, all in all. I'd have to give them a 10 out of 10."

"Why, thank you! That's just the sweetest thang... don't you think that's just the sweetest thang Remy?"

"You stop lookin' at my girlfriend's breasts!"

"You stop having sex in a cave!"

"Love Grotto!"

"It's okay Remy! They can't see anythin' from over there, remember?!"

"... ah. Oui. Dat's right chere, dey can't..."

Some Time Later...

"Arrgh!"

"Don' worry chere! Dat's a gooooood pain! Dat means you not a virgin anymore! You a woman now, congratulations!"

"Actually Remy, Ah just bumped my elbow on a rock."

"That wasn't a rock. That was me. Hi, I'm Landscape."

"Brett! Where the hell have you been?"

"Well I got lost, this is a big cave -"

"-Love Grotto -"

" - and you know how these evil super villains are about putting up signs."

"Uh huh. So how are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine, you?"

"Well the in house show is great -"

"Do you mind shutting up? Some of us are trying to have sex here!"

"No kidding? In a cave?"

"IT'S A FUCKING LOVE GROTTO, ALL RIGHT??"

"Remy, what happened to your accent?"

"Nothing! I mean.... not'ing..."

"You said "th"."

"Did not."

"I heard you Remy."

"I heard you too."

"And me."

"Yeah, so did I."

"And I did too."

Silence....

"Who was dat last person?"

"Um... that would be me. Hello there Remy. Rogue. Nice to see you again."

"PROFESSOR?!!! What you doing here?"

"Just ... you know ... sitting. I had to go somewhere after Onslaught, and this cave - sorry, Love Grotto - seemed nice and peaceful. But please, don't mind me. Keep ... proving your love to each other."

Pause...

"...ain't you gonna turn around Prof?"

"...do I have to?"

"PROFESSAH!"

"Do you have any idea how long it's been since I had sex? This is the closest I've got in years... Actually, Rogue, since you're clearly not adverse to doing it in a cave -"

"It's a Love Grotto!! I don't wanna have t'come over dere Professor-!"

"Oh, please do..."

"Professor...!"

"Cave. Cave. Cave. Cave. Cave."

"SHUT UP!"

Shhh ... BOOM!!

"Remy ... did you just blow up the professah?!"

"Non."

"But it looked like you just -"

"Spontaneous combustion chere. Weird, huh? Alas, poor Xavier, I knew him (but not in any sexual kinda way. D'accord?) Now ... where were we...?"

END.

It had to be done. You know they deserved it. ;-)
Feedback to poilass@bigfoot.com

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