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"A Short (and Somewhat Inaccurate) History of the X-Men"

A Short (and Somewhat Inaccurate) History of the X-Men

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve

Generation X Presents:
A Short (and Somewhat Inaccurate) History of the X-Men

Part Ten

"Welcome back!" said Jubilee, brushing pieces of cardboard off herself. "There's not much more to go folks so let's just all pull together and try to make it through this!"

"Why? WHY?" cried Bobby.

"Because," said Jubilee. "Somebody sedate that man. Anyways... Rogue, played by our lovely Paige, had gone to Muir Island, currently home to many many mutants."

Paige in jeans, a green jacket and green gloves, with a skunk streak in her hair, walked onstage. "Yo."

"However, there was trouble in paradise - for none other than the Shadow King was mucking around with everyone's head, making them all evil (and additionally getting them to wear strange clothes, another recurring theme for mental possession)."

Paige looked down at herself and shrugged. "Me, and my shaaaaadow..." she sang. Mass groans from the audience.

"The X-Men, newly returned from space, arrived to battle this fiend, who had already turned Colossus evil and  sent him to destroy Stevie Hunter."

Mondo roared past the stage in pursuit of Monet, who was also in normal clothes (jeans, brown jacket).

"The X-Men arrived and were promptly taken over by the Shadow King, who was channeling his power through Xavier's son Legion and Lorna Dane, whose power had been strangely warped."

"Wooo! Dude! I'm like, so totally evil!" yelled  Synch. "All of me. I mean, all of I. I mean, all of  us... how many people are inside my head right now?" He waved his arms around and gently danced round the stage. Jubilee raised her eyebrows. "Cut it with the adlibbing Ev, that's my job. Anyways..."

Monet, now in costume as Storm, Paige as Rogue, Mondo as Strong Guy/Guido (in normal clothes), Skin as Gambit tromped on stage, and were joined by Franklin as Wolverine, Artie as Forge and Leech as Jubilee.

"The X-Men were divided, not all had fallen beneath the Shadow King's control, and so they had to battle their comrades," Jubilee rechecked her notes, frowned, picked up some earlier notes and looked at them. "Is it just me, or does this seem to be a continuing problem?"

"It doesn't happen all that often." protested Scott.

"To you maybe." retorted Jubilee, "And we're doing the return of Magneto and Asteroid M storyline next."

"Okay, so it does happen quite a bit," Scott allowed.

Bobby grinned. "We should all have little signs. You know, 'Iceman is [evil] today'."

"Maybe the signs should read, 'Iceman is [stupid]  today,'" said Rogue.


"Getting back to the battle..." Jubilee started.

"Oh there's a battle on now is there?"

"Shut up Bobby! Getting back to the battle, we have decided to reenact it." Jubilee made hand motions and the entire GenX crew produced large fluffy pillows from behind their backs.

"Uh oh." said Wolverine, with a grin. "This looks nasty."

A massed roar and the 'X-Men' and assorted extras sprung into battle, swinging their pillows with glee. The free-for-all lasted several minutes, with various members of the team switching sides seemingly at random. Paige added to the confusion by husking every other second into a  different mutant and attacking everyone else. In the end it was every mutant for themselves, not helped by Bobby, Sam and Logan rushing the stage and joining in. Franklin as Wolverine and the original one took special glee in pelting each other with pillows. The audience contributed by throwing cushions and so on into the melee. It could only end in feathers. Several pillows burst, and in the ensuing feather blizzard, Jono, previously unseen, pushed his way to the front.

"Shadow King!" he yelled. "I, Charles Xavier, will..."

A pillow bounced off the back of his head.

"Aagh! Synch! I know that was you!"

Synch, who was still pretending to be Legion, giggled and prepared to throw another pillow, but was ambushed by 'Storm' and 'Forge'.

Jono tried to recover, "I, Charles Xavier, will defeat you in mind-to-mind combat!" He closed his eyes and concentrated. "There! I've done it!"

The battle continued. Cable sneezed as feathers floated out into the audience and tickled his nose. Angel added his sneezes as well.

Jono rolled his eyes. "I said, I've done it! The Shadow King is defeated! You can all stop fighting now!"

The battle continued. Paige and Monet duked it out with pillows. Bobby and Skin challenged each other to cushions at 10 feet. Wolverine speared a pillow on his claws.

"Oh for..." Jono picked up a pillow and waded into the battle, wapping left and right.

"Off! Off! Get off the stage!" he yelled, smacking Bobby repeatedly over the head with a pillow. "You, behave!" *WAP!* Leech and Artie giggled and ran into the audience to hide behind Jean's chair. "Two-bit wannabe! OFF!" *WAP!* Wolverine vaulted back into his chair, holding Franklin firmly under one arm. "Some fun, hey, kid?" he asked. Franklin nodded, still laughing.

"Paigey, don't even think about hitting me with that! Skin, down boy! Monet! Put the cushion down and step AWAY from Synch. Synch, stop laughing!" and, eventually, order was restored.

"Ah heh... ha..." Jubilee gasped for breath and hid her camera. "And so Charles Xavier was triumphant over the Shadow King. But it was not without cost, for Legion, his son, went into a coma..."

"*snicker* HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!" Synch  couldn't manage to stop laughing. Jono held him down and put a pillow over his face, which seemed to work. More or less.

"Jono, we need him for the next scene," reminded Jubilee.

Jono rather reluctantly removed the pillow. The half-smothered Synch was still giggling.

"And with all these X-Men gathered into one place as they had all the old team there as well, Xavier split the X-Men into two teams. The cool team and the other team."

In the audience, eyebrows shot up. "Which team were you in?" asked Bobby.

"Duh!" replied Jubilee.

"Actually, I don't think Jubilee was properly in either of those teams," whispered Scott to Ororo.

"Jubilee has always considered herself a member by proxy of any team that Wolverine happens to be in at that time." Storm whispered back.


"And the first thing they had to do was battle each other when Magneto reappeared with the Acolytes, who'd gone to him for help." Jubilee made frantic hand motions and the stage was tidied. A backdrop was lowered into place, it was black with white splotches of paint intended to indicate stars on it.

"Isn't that the bedsheet from your..." Betsy began.

"Let's not ask questions we don't want to hear the answers to," said Warren.

"Anyway, Magneto had..." Jubilee began.

"Magneto Magneto Magneto! Why does this keep coming back to me?" demanded Joseph testily. "It's persecution! The same persecution that my people have always faced!"

"Uh oh." said several members of the audience.

Joseph stood up and pointed at the stage. "Beware lest  ye too be judged the way that I have been! I shall return my pain a thousandfold!"

In the silence that followed, a pin dropping would have sounded like Colossus hitting the ground after falling off the Empire State Building.

"Just kidding!" Joseph grinned. He brought his arms up to protect himself as the air around him was suddenly filled with popcorn, chocolate, liquorice and other sweets (some kinetically charged), fireworks, snowballs, pillows, a miniature rainstorm complete with little lightning bolts, and finally a chair.

"That was NOT funny!" yelled Rogue, throwing another chair. It bounced off Joseph's magnetic shield and he grinned at her.

"Phew!" said Jubilee, letting out a breath she hadn't been aware of holding. "I think I just aged about six years!" she looked at her cue cards. "Skipping to the good bits the Acolytes teamed up with Magneto and he turned the cool X-team evil, or at least some of them. The other X-team arrived to battle and things went down as they usually do." She waved.

On trooped GenX again, this time in full costume. Paige as Rogue, Monet as Storm, Synch as Cyclops, Mondo as Beast, Skin as Iceman, Franklin as Wolverine, and Artie and Leech as Acolytes. Jono entered with them, wearing Magneto's helmet.

Jubilee continued. "We have decided to reenact this battle also." GenX grinned as one and produced water bombs, pistols and supersoakers from behind their backs.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Scott stood up. "Absolutely not!"

"But we already did a pillow fight." Jubilee protested. "It was either this or food."

"No!" Scott was adamant. "Not in this house!"

"Oh... okay." Jubilee's eyes gleamed. Jono removed his helmet and tossed it loosely in one hand. "Think fast!" he yelled, and tossed it to Scott, who caught it easily.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" GenX ran forward picked him up, and carried him outside.

*Jean!* Scott's mental cry reached his wife. *Help!* Jean smothered a laugh and followed everyone else out to watch the antics.

Ten minutes later GenX trooped back inside, tired and wet but triumphant. They were trailed by the audience and a sodden and bedraggled Scott Summers. He accepted a towel from Jean and began to dry himself off. Logan grinned and reached forward to pluck the remains of a water balloon off his ear.

"And now, GenX, in association with Lucasfilm, is proud to present the end of that battle... the destruction of Asteroid M!" cried Jubilee.

The backdrop was replaced with a white one, and a projection was shone onto it. To the theme of Star Wars, a large computer generated meteor was seen heading towards earth. It began breaking up in the atmosphere in an impressive display of pyrotechnics.

"You know, there could be a movie in that idea." said Jubilee.

The audience watched as the explosion took place and then applauded. Jubilee bowed. "Thank yew, thank yew! We'll be right back!" The curtain fell, and she exited.


Continued in Chapter 11.

Next: The X-Cutioners Song: The Musical. Be afraid. And Fatal Attractions briefly.


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