"All Creatures Great and Small"
"Alpha"
"Babes in Smallville"
"Babysat"
"The Ballad of Trish and Henry"
"Blues"
"Bobby and Hank say 'Farewell, New York' and Other Things"
"Bobby and the Beast"
"Bobby's Casserole"
"Bobby vs. Pat Sajak"
"A Certain Face"
"Confounded Computer!"
"A Day at the Races"
"A Day in the Life"
"Dialogue"
"Dispensing the Shopping"
"The Early X-Men in Studio 54"
"Event"
"First, Do No Harm"
"For Remembrance"
"From the Dais with the Closed Coffin"
"The Good of the Many"
"Gunslinger Dreams"
"Heard No More"
"Hiccups"
"Homecoming"
"A Homely Touch"
"I Do Not Love Thee, Mr. Twinkie"
"Lamentation"
"Leadership"
"The Lecture"
"Longest Night"
"Love Is Just Another 4-Letter Word"
"Magic Breakfast"
"Making the Call"
"Midnight Twinkie Run"
"Miss April's Stars & Garters"
"The Morning Paper"
"Movies"
"Naomi"
"Neon Hearts"
"The No Story"
"Not a Creature Was Stirring"
"The Oath"
"Personal Delivery"
"Point Blank"
"The Power-Whup Girls"
"The Price of Coffee"
"Pygmalion's Silence"
"Rumble in Kitchen Stadium"
"The Shadow Inside"
"The Shi'ar Coffee Story"
"Shoot Me"
"Waiting"
"A Friend, Sleeping"
"A Small Addiction"
"Some Assembly Required"
"Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Someone Blue"
"Start Spreading the News"
"Such Sweet Sorrow"
"Tale of the Last Twinkie"
"Never Mess with a Furry Blue Genius"
"The TD2001"
"Tear Sheets"
"A Test of Power"
"Tripping into the Light Fantastic"
"Twenty First Century Guy"
"When in Rome"
"When Tomorrow Comes"
"Written from Purgatory"
"The Wyoming Pie"
"X-Men #75"
"Yummy Yellow White Surprise"
"Zero Degree Celsius"

DISCLAIMER: They're all Marvel's, with a concept twisted severely from Cartoon Network >) No money is being made off of this. Please don't sue.

NOTE: Ever get a really nasty idea very early in the morning that won't let you go >)

by Phil Hartman

(Scene opens in a stock city.)

NARRATOR: Welcome, citizens, to the city of Salemville, ordinary city, ordinary townspeople - but wait ! Let us away to the Professor's house.

(Scene of huge mansion, with bald man in wheelchair stirring a concoction.)

NARRATOR: Professor Charles Xavier seeks to create the perfect daughters. But what is this ?

(Lightning bolt strikes a vial of something marked "Substance X", dropping the liquid into the vat. Massive explosion ensues.)

NARRATOR: As the smoke clears, a legend is born:

THE POWER-WHUP GIRLS !

Oh my - look, there's Blossus !

(Black-haired girl with silvery skin in a red dress glares at the camera.)

BLOSSUS: I am Blossus. Defender of Salemville.

NARRATOR: And there's Betsyup, mistress of the ninja tea set !

(Purple-haired girl in green dress smiles nastily.)

BETSYUP: You'd better believe it.

NARRATOR: And finally ... there's ... Bubb ?

(Incredibly ugly blonde-haired girl in blue dress puffs on a cigar.)

BUBB: What'reya lookin' at, bub ?

NARRATOR: Ah yes, the Power-Whup Girls ! Ready at a moment's notice to save the city from the forces of darkness !

And what might those forces of darkness BE ... ?

(Cut and fade across town to a run-down stock villain hideaway Victorian mansion, atop a dark and spooky hill.)

NARRATOR: Here, the master of simian scheming awaits ! Here, the green-haired guru of gone-badness plots revenge upon the Professor, who exiled him from his lab years ago !

It is ...

HANKO-JOJO !

(Green-furred apelike creature in a turban and white cape examines a vaguely Twinkie-esque ray gun.)

HANKO-JOJO: Yes, it is I - Hankooooo-JOJO ! For it is my name that is Hank-o-Jo-JO ! And Hanko-JoJo IS MY NAME !

NARRATOR: Egads ! What kind of horror will Hanko-JoJo unleash upon Salemville !?

HANKO-JOJO: My Twinkifyer Ray will turn each and every citizen of Salemville into a mindless slave ! Eager and willing to fetch me Twinkies upon my command ! And the world will respect and fear the might of ... HANKOOOOO-JOJO !

(Cut to city street.)

INNOCENT CITIZEN: EEEK ! It's Hanko-JoJo !

HANKO-JOJO: BWAHAHAHAHA !!

ZAP.

INNOCENT CITIZEN: Yes ... master ...

HANKO-JOJO: Bring me Twinkies, slave ! BWAHAHAHAH -- WHAT !?

(Three colored streaks of light land in front of Hanko-JoJo, resolving into the Power-Whup Girls.)

BLOSSUS: Release that citizen, Hanko-JoJo !

BETSYUP: Or we'll have to get ... rough.

BUBB: And ya wouldn't want that -- OOH ! Kitty !

(Bubb begins playing with a passing kitten, while a gratuitous fight scene breaks out between the other Girls and Hanko-JoJo.)

HANKO-JOJO: You fools ! Once I -- wait -- no, my Twinkifyer Ray ! NO ! DO NOT --

ZAP.

HANKO-JOJO: Yes ... mistresses ...

BETSYUP: Aw, and I was about to plunge my psychic knife into him !

BUBB: Whatever. Kitty, dance !

(Bubb and Kitty dance merrily to the closing credits, while Betsyup and Blossus watch Hanko-JoJo pick up Twinkies and the Innocent Citizen reverts to normal.)

END