You know you read/write too much fanfic when...
...your computer tells you that the mail server has a TCP
error, and you think to yourself, "Hmm, that's strange,
I haven't finished that story yet..."
...your friends have to pry you away from your computer with
...you feel guilty walking into the comic shop to read the
canonical stuff, because you know you have Betas clamoring
for the next part of your fanfic!
...because the only reason to read Gen-X is to get fan-fic
ideas, and the only reason to read Excal is to get spoof ideas
...you end up dating your beta reader.
...you are real ill and start asking people wheter they are
writers or fictives.
...the word 'fictive' is a part of your standard vocabulary.
...you've been on-line for twenty minutes
...there's nothing new posted to acf-f
...you check again
...still nothing, your hands are cramping, your mouth feels
...you have the 'big three' archives bookmarked...
...along with every other archive...
...which you also check religiously.
...you're convinced Gambit has some sort of 'extra-spacial'
sense. (with a nod to Val for the Witness arc that started
...you snicker any time the words 'bunny' or 'slipper' are
used in a sentence.
...and you shudder if they're used in the same sentence.
...you run screaming in terror if someone is wearing a pair.
...you know how to pronounce 'skkrt'.
...you suggest 'Sikudahni' as a baby name to your friends.(with
a nod to Darqstar)
...you think the Marauders are the most thought-out villians
in the X-Verse. (with a nod to Kielle and Laersyn, amongst
...you automatically tag the word 'Subreality' before 'Cafe'.
...all your Managers are androgynous.
...you actually understand how Dawn dies and comes back again
and dies and comes back again and... (nod to Tapestry)
...you check ACFF
...you go to check your email to see if anything has been
posted to Untold
...you check each ofthe big three for new stuff
...nope, nope, and nope
...and then you repeat
...you read a mainstream with Abyss in it and wonder, "Where
are Nudge-Nudge and Wink-Wink?"
...you feel guilty going to WORK because you've got editors
waiting for your next chapter.
...you feel guilty getting any sleep at all because you've
got editors waiting for your next chapter.
...you refer to others by the names of your characters.
...you call going to the comic book store 'research.'
...you try to explain the history of Cable to your mother,
who knows nothing about the X-Men.
...you use your character's name as a computer password.
...you've got more e-mail from Beta-readers than from friends.
...you dream about the X-Men.
...if asked where you are going to take your vacation, you
reply, "I hear Subreality is great this time of year."
...you can recite all the major fan-fic characters in alphabetical
order by memory
....everything posted on "Re: META: You know you read/write
too muchfanfic when . . . ." can be applied daily to
...you read a comic written by (insert your most hated writer
here), and come out wondering how they got the job in the
...you know that they will never reveal the whole story about
M, so you write your own version of it into your fanfic.
...you seriously think that Bum should be writing GENERATION
...you feel guilty for writing "You know you read/write
too much fanfic when..." lists because you have editors
waiting for chapters.
...you begin signing e-mails to your parents with your 'handle.'
...you begin discussing writers in class and the names 'Kielle',
'Phil Foster' and 'Jelpy' come out, forcing you to explain.
...you try to write a book report on said authors.
...you make a reference at the dinner table to the Subreality
...someone hands you a paperback and you're fascinated that
you can take it from place to place and you don't have to
hook into your ISP and then the web to read it.
...you wonder what Bobby is doing alive in the X-Books and
where the heck is Vicky in Gen-X (Tribute to "Vicky's
...someone mentions the "Claremont days" and you
respond with, "He's not on any of the archives *I* visit."
...you start to write a letter asking why Marvel isn't expanding
on Remy's relationship with his sister Renee (Tribute to "Wild
...you can't get through a television show without thinking
'geez, this would be a terrific X-Men crossover.' (Same thing
goes for movies. <G>)
...you're reading a good Wolverine comic or story and get
tothinking 'I bet Logan is Xena's descendant.' (Think about
it! Black hair, blue eyes, used to work for the bad guys but
turned good, uses EXTREME measures to get the job done.)
...you actually understand more than 1/2 of the referances
in this list.
...someone starts a joke with "So Wolverine walks into
a bar..." and you automatically ask "Which one?"
...you shudder any time you see a chainsaw. (with a disembodied
nod to laersyn)
...you think Guiness and sake are a workable combination.
(with a drunken nod the the CBBFA awards)
...anytime a 'vs.' thread appears on racmx, you can instantly
work out the resolution in your head, graphically, with applied
sciences, accurate dialogue, and variations for disparate
...and then sit down and write it.
...you're sure Dawn is the X-man slated to die this summer.
...you instinctively include a disclaimer in any conversation
related to television, movies, or lit.
...you're sure you could restore Gen X to some semblance
...and maybe even X-Factor.
...but not X-Man on the best day of your life.
...you can spell 'Mhairie' at will.
...you can picture Mhairie at will.
...Mhairie is _in_ your will.
...you dream in fanfic. (Sometimes unpleasantly. Had a dream
the other night about Magneto being tortured, which was nasty
enough that... well, let's just say that the only ficcer who'd
write *that* one is laersyn, and then only on a bad day. I've
been reading too much Garth Ennis, I think. Brr.)
...you go to the Love Doctor on the web (I *think* it is
www.xs4all.nl/~love, but I'm not sure) to check the numerological
compatibility of your favorite fanfic couples.
...and when it tells you they haven't got a chance, you add
and subtract middle names, titles, use code names instead,
even resort to names used while the character had amnesia.
...you figure out that the reason Magneto survived falling
from Asteroid M pre-Fatal Attractions, and the reason he went
insane, is that Justine Miller must have resurrected him.
...you think Perkolator and Manchild are real Gen-X characters.
...you know Jessica Pierce never was a real New Mutant, but
you think she should have been.
...everything you know about Excalibur comes from reading
fanfic, and you're pretty sure you prefer it that way.
...your ears perk up every time someone mentions "magnetic
field" in your presence.
...you find yourself staring at good-looking older men with
white hair as you pass them on the college campus and wonder
if they are causing the static your Walkman is picking up.
...when you are making up the canonical list of Magneto's
romances, you include Noemi Majewski.
...you make up the canonical list of Magneto's romances in
the first place.
...you post to a META thread about "you read/write too
much fanfic when."
...you read solicitations for a new Marvel miniseries and
think "Three issues? I can't believe they think they
can tell a story in less than 40 installments!"
...you see porno spammed on acff but start to read it anyway,
because you really can't tell the difference
...you've completely forgotten that any comics besides X-Men,
Excalibur,GenX, and New Mutants even exists.
...you're already responding to this post because the previous
line made you get defensive.
...you start talking about the latest Subreality Cafe story
and then spend an hour trying to explain what the hell the
Subreality Cafe is to fellow Roleplayers...
...who then think you spend way to much time reading fanfic.
...you tell people "what do you mean Bishop's NOT Xavier's
grandson?" (nod toValerie)
...you cave to demands for a sequel to your FIRST published
work, end upcrashing your hard drive, swearing off fanfic,
un-retiring a week later, tryingto take on multiple projects,
trashcanning them all, then... (oh wait, that'sjust me. Sorry.)
...any time you read an X-Book and you see a black cloud,
you start thinking gruesome death is imminent ("laersynphobia")
...you know the URL to "Blood In The Gutter."
...you have "Blood In The Gutter" bookmarked.
...you upgraded your modem just so CFAN wouldn't take so
long to load.
...you find yourself responding to RAC* posts with info from
fanfics, (i.e."well, when X-Man met Dawn inside of Onslaught"
to which multiple replies of "???" result)
...you find yourself trying to imagine which authors look
like which characters (wasn't that a thread here a while back?)
...you read a mainstream with Sinister in it and play "Where's
...you have actually made a "fripping" sound.
...someone mentions Eany and Meany and you say "Wink-Wink
and Nudge-Nudge could take 'em."
...you are intimately familiar with the sex lives of comic
...ficstream AND mainstream.
...you even compose FAQs on the subject.
...you yourself are often assocated with said lives. (with
a nod to Brucha, lady Amethyst, and others)
...you contemplate adding a new email box so you can write
erotica under a pseudonym, but still get plenty of responses
...you've given serious thought to erotic applications of
mutant powers. (but then, who hasn't?)
...and written them.
...you engage in learned debates on racmx whether characters
would *use* their powers for erotic applications, or whether
they would consider this degrading.
...you get an electronic Easter card that shows two bunny
slippers moving back and forth, and you think to yourself,
"It's Wink-Wink and Nudge-Nudge! RUN AWAY!" (Note:
This has actually happened.)
...you insist that the facts presented in the Gestalt Archive
by Lori McDonald should be the TRUE mainstream.
...you begin thinking of dead animals, people, etc. as temporarily
...you do respond to the question "Pleasant creature
with nine lives" with "Jean Grey Summers."
...you are spooked by someone's real strange relatives and
silently ask yourself if they are of the Summers clan.
...you think Impar Vir wrote Excalibur #7
...you confused the writings of Falstaff with Scott Lobdell.
...you think Falstaff is a better writer then Lobdell.
...you think Lobo beat the crap out of Logan.
...you fall over laughing at the mention of Fed Ex, Tickle
Me Elmo, or Girl Scouts.
...you keep wondering when Bobby Drake is going to get a
...but you never wonder when Shatterstar and Ric are going
to get girlfriends...
...you name your bunny slippers Wink-Wink and Nudge-Nudge.
...and try to make said slippers drink beer and moke cigars.
...when you meet annoying persons you promptly decide to
make them "innocent bystander" (TM) hit by a falling
house or suchlike in your next fanfic.
...you look at the lokal politicians and decide to use them
as FOH member templates
...you help your friends when they have got love trouble
and archive theirreactions etc for future use between your
...you refer to comic book characters as fictives.
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