Pros and Cons of Marrying an X-Man
Con: (in general) If you marry an X-character, somewhere,
sooner or later, you'll end up related to a Summers.
Pro: Gives new meaning to the "Mile High Club"
Con: His former boss can be a real pain-in-the-ass...
Pro: Has houses all over the world, no lack of vacation
Con: Genetically enhanced flunkeys always coming over
and trash the place.
Pro: The earth actually _does_ move.
Con: So does the roof. Generally straight down.
Pro: You'll have long, interesting discussions...
Con: ...but you'll need a thesaurus to understand them
BEEF: (And Thunderbird, for that matter...)
Pro: Big, strong, bohunk protector-type, with lots
of mass to keep one warm.
Con: If he rolls over in his sleep, you're history.
Pro: Free shock therapy.
Con: Hope you've got a lot of extra fuses in the house...
Pro: Big, manly man with Eastwood-like features, ALONG
with the access to a utopian Applecrust future, and the whole
savior of mutant- and human-kind thing.
Con: That whole savior of human/mutant kind thing comes
with a lifelong obsession against a genentically superior
being that can't seem to simply die, and the whole confusion
when Stryfe comes over for dinner.
Pro: I'm drawing a blank here... uh, she's a blonde...
Con: You have to ask?
Pro: So delish even Pheonix likes'em.
Con: Destined to become the most evil man on earth,
Pro: Never gets old-looking.
Con: Likes trashy girls--Is probably contagious.
Pro: Sweet, affectionate, loyal, not to mention cuddly.
Pro: Catnip is easily available to distract rivals.
Con: One word: Hairballs.
Pro: Handy place to keep fridge magnets.
Con: Tends to punch people in back at random.
Pro: Poster-boy for the X-Men, love that accent.
Con: Short temper, obsessed with some other Jewish
girl, overly concerned over his little sister, hard steel
just may be a #LITTLE# hard to manage...
Pro: Chopping firewood is no problem
Con: You may suddenly find yourself getting eleven
new in-laws. Don't forget that he may leave you at anytime
if Jean came back - due to the fact Jean would have to die
or leave him first to marry him - why anyone would marry a
stick-in-the mud is beyond me
Pro: Competent leader and icon of how-to-be-a-good-mutant.
Con: Pompous and self-absorbed leader and constant
nag of how-to-be-a-good-mutant. And speaking of in-laws (the
Cable/Stryfe confusion thing again)...
Pro: A cunning linguist.
Con: Tends to be a bit fragile compared to the others
and dies if you're not careful.
Pro: Always knows your mood . . .
Con: . . . because he told you what it was.
Pro: You can have all the fun of Disneyland without ever
going in there.
Con: Her best friend has a tendency to eat your furniture.
Pro: Umm... give me a minute here...
Con: Spouses tend to die. Repeatedly.
Con: Everything. --Sorry; I apologize in advance, rather
than get my ass soundly kicked... 8( --
Pro: Betcha this guy can get you to where it's AT during
Mardi Gras, not to mention he doesn't NEED to head south for
illegal fireworks for the 4th of July
Con: Well... he's Gambit!
Pro: Telekinesis has so many useful domestic applications.
Con: Waking up every so often to find her dead, then
three weeks later discovering that no, it was actually the
clone of her future self from an alternate timeline, possessed
by a cosmic entity, and that you were never married at all.
Pro: Stuck jar lids are never a problem.
Con: Every other week he gets mind-controlled by someone
Pro: Broken refrigerators won't be a problem
Pro: Bobby the Ice boy has a potential career in specialty
Pro: 9-1/2 Weeks. 'Nuff said.
Con: The bit-of-ice-in-the-bed-joke gets old real quick
Con: Often seems a little...frigid. *THWAP*
Pro: Saves thousands on airfares so long as you can dress
Con: Those cybernetic parts get COLD at night...
Con: Married name changes without warning.
Pro: Makes for exciting conversation...
Con: But won't shut up, and "uncle" likes
to play with sharp objects (SCHLIKT).
Pro: Never complains about your other women...
Con: ...because she's always off looking for her siblings.
Pro: Imagine the kick-ass trips you could take to Atlantic
City should he visit Earth. Just tell him the money will be
used for a VERY good cause.
Con: Well, if he finds out that the cause is your wardrobe
he'll start losing.
Con: ...who are really six years old.
Pro: No need to worry about money or general questions
("Just ask Monet.").
Con: She adds a new dimension to both Multiple Personality
Disorder and "dysfunctional family"...
Con: Stuck jar lids *always* a problem...
Pro: Think a few minutes. I'm sure the...implications
of his power will come easily to those of a certain bent....
Pro: Never need to take out the trash.
Con: Eeny and Meany leave slime trails all over the
Pro: No need to use a car or plane when you travel.
Con: If she isn't dead, you'll have problems with some
of her acquaintances ("Honey, the demon just ate our
next door neighbor and is sacrificing his daughter.").
Pro: A trip to the corner store was never so easy.
Con: Dangerous when angry, followed around by overprotective
Pro: She's the ruler of a realm that obeys her every
Con: ...you'll probably have to, too.
Pro: Has class
Con: Also has a bit of an identity crisis at the moment.
Sometimes too hot to handle.
Pro: Roman customs allow promiscuity.
Con: ...for her too.
Pro: *ahem* Attractive personality. Repeated de-agings
keep him with a youthful appearance.
Con: Political activism can be a real bitch.
Pro: No worries getting rid of pesky door-to-door-sentinels,
I mean salesmen.
Con: Need sutures after night in bed.
Pro: Two words -- empathic metamorph. Will be anything
Con: FOUR BIG WORDS -- a big guy named Brian.
Pro: Likes riding.
Con: 'Not my type.' (X-Force #71)
Pro: No need to worry about medical bills
Con: Makes the worst coffee on the northern hemisphere
MOONSTAR (also: MIRAGE):
Pro: You get someone who actually enjoys roughing it.
Con: Her idea of company can be dangerous to your health
("Uh, Reinfire? Is that my hand you just tore off?").
Pro: Tail a help in doing dishes
Con: Hair clogs the shower drain
Pro: Teleportation, wall-crawling, acrobatics, has
its romantic possibilities -- plus, he's a romantic that could
Con: Self-esteem problems can lead to drastic changes:
suddenly wearing swords, changing a costume, getting a bad
haircut and making it worse with a goatee...
Pro: MRIs at home, for free.
Con: Tends to erase entire hard drives _and_ your cassette
collection every time you have an argument.
Pro: Come on! Look at her!
Con: That telepathy thing... "Were you looking
at her?" "No, honey! Really!" ZAP! (psychic
knife filleting ensues)
Pro: When you ask him to run down to the store for a gallon
of milk, he's back before you finish the sentence.
Con: New definition of the term "quickie."
Pro: With her power on, you'll always have safe sex
Con: She whines too much
Pro: You get an expert's medical opinion free of charge.
Con: You also get serious injuries inflicted by some
of the unexpected visitors (SCHLIKT, ZAP, MUNCH).
Pro: Getting to work in the morning is a breeze.
Con: Has certain issues with intimacy.
Pro: Beautiful, intelligent, successful entrepenuer.
Con: All those doppelgangers are after her life, could
get damned confusing.
Con (or maybe Pro): Dominatrix -- they don't call her
the "ice queen" for nothing.
Pro: All new meaning to the phrase "getting lucky."
Con: Get into a fight with her and you're liable to
be crushed by a falling piano while walking under a ladder
in front of a broken mirror just after a black cat crosses
Pro: She's a bit... kinky. Black leather....
Con: When she gets bored with you, she sucks out your
Pro: Brains, looks, and a sense of humor -- what more
could someone ask for?
Con: Ex-boyfriends' rather short tempers, combined
with rather powerful powers, may culminate in rather nasty
Con: No substance...
Con: Might accidentally phase you into the bed. *Will*
phase you into something if angry.
Pro: Able to send clones out to do menial chores, etc.
Con: Always fighting over makeup
Pro: You can carry on the conversation even with Metallica
playing in the next door neighbor's yard.
Con: Neighborhood noise ordinances may be a problem.
Pro: Attractive white stripe in hair.
Con: Poor tastes in makeup.
Pro: Never have to worry about weather when going on vacation
ever again. Heck, never worry about weather again ... except...
Con: Try sneaking out of chores to play golf on a beautiful
Sunday afternoon... ooops... *CRACK* you will clean the basement
Pro: Always munchies around
Con: Some of those munchies you used to live next door
Pro: Athletic, handsome, rico suave - plus that heat emitting
is REALLY nice on those cold winter nights.
Con: Reignfire=BDSM. Then again, if you go for that
kind of thing...
Pro: French accent, general advantages of having a precog
Con: Finding out she's having an affair with the King
Pro: No loud noises at the dinner table.
Con: Well, of course not, he's dead.
Pro: You save on travel bills, and don't have to worry
Con: Her acquaintances and personal opinions are another
matter entirely ("You let the visitors slaughter the
next door neighbors? But they did *nothing* to us!").
Pro: Shapechanging. 'Nuff said.
Con: One simply _can't_ in vite the in-laws over for
holidays. At least if one likes one's home planet intact.
Ironically enough, this is much the same for Mystique...
Pro: Has learned all humanly possible techniques from
data banks. And a few inhuman ones too.
Con: Take my advice - don't have kids with him. Not
worth the effort.
Pro: Better than a blanket on a cold winter's night.
Con: Shedding. Also, the Mother-In-Law from Scotland.
Pro: Claws come in handy in the kitchen
Con: Let's face it: get involved with Logan, you die.
Fact of life.
Pro: He's the best there is at what he does.
Con: What he does isn't very nice.
Pro: Ever had trouble scratching that hard-to-reach
spot on your back? Well, Logan's your man!
Con: On the other hand, the lover's "scratch-marks"
may run a little too deep to one's tastes...
Pro: Hey, the guy slices, he dices, he minces - your
cutting needs are at an end. Not to mention he'll not only
protect you in a street brawl - he'll rock ass.
Con: You know, it would not be a good idea to ask this
guy to scratch your back for you, plus the hair all over the
house would be a pain.
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